Disney Edinburghers

The Macho Jock: Gaston – The Beauty and The Beast

Common characteristics: follows a ridiculous bodybuilding diet, uses athletic prowess to try and attract women, outrageously arrogant, loves to bev.

“God, I’m amazing”

The Fourth Floor Fitty: Snow White

Common characteristics: always looks flawless, surrounded by fawning men, lives in Newtown because they can’t handle the big scary trees of the Meadows

“Nature?!?”

The Guy in Opal VIP: Captain Ratcliffe – Pocahontas

Common characteristics: flashing cash at the bar, ostentatiously dressed, has hundreds of promoter minions to get him more money, really quite ugly

“Grey Goose for EVERYBODY!”

The Spoilt Brat: Charlotte La Bouff – The Princess and The Frog

Common characteristics: dresses in all the latest fashions, mummy and daddy fund them through uni, only wants to date people whose degrees will give them a highly paid job (see ya later Sports Science)

“What does your daddy do?”

The Gap Yah-er: Jane – Tarzan

Common characteristics: goes to Africa in their summers to teach English, takes loads of instagrams of their travels, exceptionally posh, has a foreign boyfriend, think they’re roughing it but still have their MacBook, china tea-set and grandfather clock

“I am just so AWARE”

The International Student: Kusko – The Emperor’s New Groove

Common characteristics: lives in Quartermile, is either nobility or royalty in their home country, mixing with the ‘peasants’ of Edinburgh disgusts them

“My staff should be doing this”

The English Geek – Belle

Common characteristics: always reads more than required for seminars, hair is always up, calls Edinburgh rain ‘pathetic fallacy’, bums the fact there is a castle… “It’s soooo Mysteries of Udolpho”

“No time for fashion, my smock is more comfortable for reading”

The Layabout – Sleeping Beauty

Common characteristics: sleeps through uni, never changes out of their clothes, when they leave to do the flat food shop they end up chilling on the Meadows instead

“Can I bum a smoke, Owl?”

The Student You Will Never Meet: Bert – Mary Poppins

Common characteristics: does all the chalk drawings on the roads around uni, gets high and thinks he’s in another world/walking on the roof/having tea parties on the ceiling

“You don’t know me”