Two Men (and a Girl) in a Boat

Just when you think you’ve seen the last of the sickly couple photos from the holiday season, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner as a constant reminder of how happy you could be if you weren’t on your own.

Gladly waving goodbye to smug couple instagram photos cosying up at a Christmas market with a mulled wine, I’m only greeted to shop windows and heart shaped food as a final smack in the face. I’m from Liverpool and it was a real difference coming to Edinburgh to find that the guys here don’t chat you up, they literally have no game. In Liverpool you can wander into a club in your gym kit and facepaint and still have guys gagging to buy you a drink. I know, I know, that they’re only after one thing but the men in Edinburgh could show a little interest once in a while! The furthest me and my friends got was a group of sports society lads in Opal saying “my card has a £5 minimum, can I buy you a jaegar bomb?” and the cheeky buggers then asked us for change before disappearing into the dance floor.

‘Want a shot?’ is not a good line

So you can imagine how surprised I was last week when a guy asked me out to a nice cocktail bar called Bramble on Friday night. The guy was classy and smart and knew that Jaegar-LeCoultre isn’t a dirty £1.50 red bull shot you can get in The Hive. Turning up in a bow tie and smoking jacket, the guy gave Chuck Bass a run for his money. Despite my moaning of guys with no game, I decided halfway through the date I had no interest in the guy with the game. Being rusty on my dating skills having been in Edinburgh for so long, I hadn’t made my pre-Date strategic mental notes, checking whether the exit was near the ladies loos and the location of the back door, so I was practically a rabbit caught in the headlights when he made a lunge at me in the middle of the bar.

Perhaps if the date went like this…

After an awkward five minutes of explaining that I have “intimacy issues” and another half an hour of small talk I went home only to find that he had blocked me on Facebook. So, instead of sick or lonely on Valentine’s Day, I’m going to feel smug that I am single and not the one eating someone’s heart shaped, sugar coated bullshit this February.