How to console your American friends in the wake of the election

Americans. Can’t live with us, can’t live without us.

From the country that brought you Bruce Springsteen, South Park, and every film you’ve ever loved, we now bring you the imminent apocalypse. American or not, last Tuesday’s election results left most of us in low spirits.

Chances are, if you’re at Edinburgh Uni you probably know someone who’s American, and they’re probably really bummed out. They don’t smile as brightly anymore, don’t laugh as loudly, and their beer pong aim is totally off.

Thankfully, there are things that you can do to help uplift our spirits in these very uncertain times.

Take them out to dinner, or better yet make them dinner 

Honestly, no better cure

Next to baseball caps, red solo cups, and the word “lit”, there’s nothing Americans love more than food. And since November is usually prime time for homesickness there’s nothing that can comfort your Yankee friend more than a nice dinner.

Whether that be making us a full Thanksgiving dinner or just paying for our hangover Domino’s, it’s always a good time to sit down with your pal from across the pond as they reminisce about middle school, prom, homecoming, and being able to drive.

Marry them

Won’t be needing these anymore…

It’s time to stop beating around the bush. With the reality that Donald J. Trump is now our president-elect Americans are keener than ever.

Maybe if you trade your 1AM “You up?” texts for a cheap ring and the promise of dual citizenship, you might be a bit more successful. You never know, 2016 might be your lucky year after all. Or, alternatively you could just offer to let us hide out and crash on your couch for the next 4-8 years.

Hug an American/Let them vent

Ladies and gentleman, our President-elect

This election has been flat out bizarre. Despite the fact that a man who regularly dons red baseball caps and cheap spray tans (a getup more suitable for a Jersey Shore cast member than a serious politician) just became the president-elect of the United States of America; it left us with a lot to question in terms of the idea of democracy and the two-party system in general.

Everything we learned in history class is now turning against us, no one knows what the next few years will bring. It’s a lot to take in, and sometimes you just need to let you’re American pal know that you’re there for them.

Get the next round

World’s turned to shit, might as well get shitfaced

Whether you’re American or British, democracy failed us all. Fuck 2016. Let’s get wasted.