We asked the middle-class how well they’re coping with the courgette crisis

Strolling the aisles of Lidl on a Tuesday afternoon, I noticed something peculiar. The vegetable section seemed somewhat depleted. Something was missing, but I couldn’t figure out what.

A brisk jog down Nicolson Street to my favourite Tesco revealed the same strange affliction – but what?

Walking into Sainsbury’s as a last resort, only to be greeted with an empty spot where the courgettes should have been, I felt a cold sweat breaking on my brow. My upper lip began to tremble. How would I be able to create my signature gourmet dish of ‘rice and vegetables’ without the very vegetables I needed?

My flatmates and I executed a quick Google search – my suspicions were confirmed, and the situation was dire. Overly cold weather in Spain and Italy is causing a Europe-wide courgette shortage, and it’s one that would perhaps extend itself to other mediterranean vegetables. “But what about the aubergiiiines” added token francophone Elise, “how will I be able to make my ratatouille?”

That night, I had a dream about finding three giant, mutated courgettes in a grocer, and I still remember the feeling of euphoria and feverish excitement as I rushed to bring them back to the flat and get spiralising. Sadly, my hopes were crushed when I woke up and realised that not only do I not own a spiraliser, but I hadn’t seen a courgette in weeks.

Making sure my babies are comfortable

This was when I realised that perhaps I was a bit more concerned about the situation than I should have been. Of course, there were more important things happening in the world to fret about. 

Though the frustrated clean-eaters of Twitter seemed to be voicing their opinions, I took it upon myself to investigate what my peers in Edinburgh and beyond really thought about the whole debacle.

Can the average student tell a courgette from a cucumber? Or are the middle-class masses having to desperately swap out their beloved courgetti for Sainsbury’s butternut squash ‘boodles’ ? 

“I’m not quite sure I understand what you mean.” – Tristan, Swansea

“Some of my friends love courgettes.” – John, Kent

“It’s a real shame that global warming has had such an effect on farming and that it’s affected our daily eating habits.” – Sarah, Edinburgh

“It’s ok because I hate courgette.” – Kezia, Edinburgh

“I’m more into frozen pizzas and chips, to be honest.” – Harry, Liverpool

“Is there a courgette crisis? I didn’t know there was a courgette crisis.” – Jess, Durham

Jesus.