Chilla of the week: Dave, Hyde Park

University students have a reputation for being lazy, daytime TV-addicted, slobs.  Some of these have embraced these stereotypes, wearing them as a badge of honour.

Starting this week, The Tab will be profiling the Biggest Chillaz on Campus (BCOCs).

For these folks, chilling isn’t an occasional pastime; it’s a full time occupation.

I meet Dave in a dimly lit Hyde Park living room. He invites me to take a seat in his office, which appears to be a couch and a coffee table adorned with ashtrays, empty cans of diet coke and the remnants of last night’s dinner.

It’s a chillaz paradise.

‘Paradise’

Dave lights up a suspicious-looking cigarette, and jokes that he’s had to clear his schedule to fit this interview in. I feel very fortunate. 

As someone who takes a serious approach to chilling, I asked Dave how he stays motivated to chill on such a consistent basis, even in spite of work pressures.

He explains: “Its been proven that to succeed in any given discipline you need to put in 10,000 hours, I simply apply this to excelling at chilling. Dedication is key.”

Chillin’ like a villain during Cash in the Attic

I was still intrigued as to how Dave balances an extreme propensity for chilling alongside a full time degree.

“I think sitting on a couch all day keeps me pretty balanced,” he says.

“The only time I feel unbalanced is when I try to stand up at the end of a six hour FIFA session, or when I have to reach the lighter on the table in front of me.”

Dave rarely ventures into the kitchen, preferring instead to order take-away at least twice a day so as not to waste valuable time which could be spent on the couch watching Jeremy Kyle destroy the lives of working class people on national television.

The only timetable to which Dave adheres.

He is currently consuming his daily dose of ‘I’m A Celebrity’ which he’s just season-linked. It runs nightly for three weeks, providing his chill-orientated schedule with some much needed structure.

Dave’s housemates have been incredibly understanding and supportive of his laidback lifestyle.

“He’s become part of the furniture of the house”, says one housemate.

“No literally, we get pretty concerned if we come home to find he’s not on the living room sofa” he hastened to add.

If there’s a place to sit, Dave will chill.

So if you’re reading this whilst toiling over an essay in the library, Dave has some pearls of wisdom that might encourage you to join the ranks of those who relax to the max.

“University is the one time in your life where chilling is not just a rite of passage, it’s a moral imperative. Don’t waste the short time you have here.”

Know anyone who’s a bigger BCOC than Dave? Email [email protected]