Library desk hoggers are ruining uni

Like many other aspects of my life, my visits to Edward Boyle are quick, uncomfortable affairs that leave me feeling quite warm and tired without having really got what I came for.

However, as essay deadlines and exams approach I have to accept that I may have to spend a couple of hours every now and again in the warm embrace of Eddy B.

If only I could find somewhere to sit.

Sure, there are loads of free chairs, but all the desks are taken aren’t they?

Taken by people who go to the library, but can’t be arsed to do any work. They’ve marked their territory, metaphorically urinating on their work station, and buggered off.

Brb, just popping out for 8 hours

I’m not asking for people to handcuff themselves to their desks for hours on end. I understand that if you go to a library, you may want to get up every now and again to find a book or something.

It’s those who dump their stuff and flee who are ruining our lives. The sort who ‘bravely’ leave their laptops, books and smell pens out in the open for hours on end. No wonder people are having stuff nicked.

You are the clichéd German with a towel on the deckchair. You are a Gareth Keenan in a world of Tim Canterburys. You are a snide.

I have considered jumping just to end the torture

Third-year French student Tim Gibson tells me: “During exams last year I left for over three hours to watch the FA Cup final. At the end of the day, I don’t really care”.

Tim is currently on a year abroad in Marseille. This sort of shit may wash on the continent, but I’m not having it at Leeds.

I’ve been sat next to unoccupied desks with piles of uni detritus on them for three or four hour essay sessions without any sight of their owner.

These people have had enough time to find books in both libraries, strut around level thirteen in the hope of being mentioned by @EddyBhotshots and even have a shag in Stack Ancient History.

In the middle of the approaching exam season, you may not think you’re harming anyone by nipping off to Old Bar for dinner, but you are.

I hope you choke on your chicken strips.

Dream January scenario. A shame it’s 3am.

I’m already annoyed that it took me twenty swipes of my card for the library to let me in, and that some arsehole fresher has had the chutzpah to take out Child Emperor Rule in the Late Roman West before I could.

Don’t antagonise me further by forcing me to circuit the library, laptop and books weighing me down, looking like Marlin hopelessly trying to find Nemo.

“But David, we’re working very hard, surely we’re allowed to pop out for a cigarette/bowel movement/weekend break in the Dordogne?”

Well, yes, you’re allowed, just like you’re allowed to vote BNP or purchase the Sun from Essentials (actually you’re not #satire).

As much as it pains me to say, much like Bruce Almighty, I can’t control free will. So I merely have to ask the good people of the University of Leeds not to go overboard with their study breaks.

Go for a piss, but don’t take the piss.

I would say this to your face too, except I don’t know where you are.