Everything you’ll have done at Christmas time if you went to a slightly dodgy comprehensive school
It would have been nice to have seen the second half of Elf at some point
As the temperatures dropped, so did the cares of everyone around us. Soon we were pelting snowballs made of 90% ice 10% actual snow at each other, and screeching All I want for Christmas is you down the corridors as loud as we could all in the spirit of Christmas. But what else went down when the Crimbo season hit your Mixed- Comp?
The whole world came to a complete standstill when it snowed
But within two days, this snow just became brown sludge that somehow wouldn't shift for weeks
You knew your school daps would never be the same again.
You still had to do P.E. outside in your normal sports kit even though it was -30°C
Your teachers insisted that you still wore your shorts in the arctic temperatures and screeched that it "isn't even that cold!" as they swanned around the pitch wrapped up in their North Face hiking jackets and seventeen warm insulating layers.
You and your friends fixed Secret Santa so that you didn't have to buy for the person you hated
It was as corrupt as it could be. You swapped names five times, you wrote the names deliberately in sharpie pen so that you could see through the paper, and you even did a separate group just for the people that no one wanted.
You took that shit seriously. A free £10 present essentially of your own choosing was at stakes. What the fuck was a democracy?
Your teachers pretty much gave up with actual learning near the end of term and somehow managed to make every activity 'Christmas Related'
If the teachers actually liked you they would let you pass round tins of sweets that they had bought for the class.
And if you were really lucky, you spent the class doing the same shit Christmas Quiz that you had done for the past three years. It's okay though, you loved contributing your one answer to the sweets and chocolate quiz: Wobbly Infant? A Jelly Baby.
They let you watch this absolute legend cause havoc with some Vikings in The North Pole in Years 7 and 8
And then from Years 9 – 11 you watched Elf in every class
Miracle on 34th Street was too old, and no one really liked The Grinch anyway, so the only option left was to watch Will Ferrell eat spaghetti and pop tarts for an hour.
Who's complaining though?