Bloomin’ Heck!

Oxford may have the Bullingdon Club with its illustrious past membership of David Cameron, George Osborne and Boris Johnson, to name just a few, but potentially embarrassing news for those involved has revealed the existence of the Bloomingdon Club.

The society, founded in 1874, can count Chris Martin, Mahatma Ghandi, former Israeli President Chaim Herzog, and Ricky Gervais among its former members. Although officially a society for UCL’s ‘best and brightest’, it is alleged that the raucous behaviour often associated with the Bullingdon Club could also be found on Gower Street.

Former member Abril Primero, now a prominent Socialist MP in Spain, revealed the existence of the society in an interview with Spanish newspaper El Pais.

“It is a source of great shame for me that I was a member of such an institution,” he stated, “I was involved in snobbish pranks and rude behaviour. Initiations involved us dropping our trousers and, as the English say, downing a bottle of port. I was almost sick. On one occasion we went to King’s and urinated in their library. I wish I was never part of it.”

When asked about the existence of the society UCL management refused to comment, although several other members have contacted The Tab. One, who did not wish to be named, said that the society “was a ridiculous piece of toffee nosed posho nonsense” whilst another who is currently a Conservative MP said he had “no problem” with it and did not regret being a member.

“Quite frankly if one can’t drop one’s trousers for a good game of cock and ball when one is at university then when can one?” he said. “I had a spiffing time and I’d do it all again. Bang on!”

With a number of Bullingdon Club members distancing themselves from their university misdemeanours it is likely that many Bloomingdon alumni will wish to do the same, with employers unlikely to view involvement in such a society as a good thing. Current members have already stated their shock at the secret group becoming public knowledge.

We contacted Señor Primero for a statement, asking him what his biggest regret was about his Bloomingdon Club membership.

“Seeing Chris Martin with his trousers off”

What was so bad about that?

“It was tiny.”