UCL bombs out of top 10 in Guardian University League Table

UCL have plunged six places to a disappointing 11th in the Guardian’s University League Table, with experts citing employment prospects and student satisfaction as primary factors.

The survey makes for grim viewing as UCL trails behind the likes of newcomers Lancaster and nobodies Surrey, who finished a shock 6th place, rising from 19th only two years ago.

Country bumpkins Surrey a cut above sophisticated city slickers of UCL

Matt Hiely-Rayner, from Intelligent Matrix, which compiles the tables, said UCL’s exit from traditionally expected top ten was the result of a fall in the number of leavers getting graduate-level jobs.

Other disappointing statistics highlighted by the survey include a fall in spend-per-student and a surge in student-staff ratio, with one member of staff for every ten students at UCL.

UCL has fared poorly in student satisfaction in recent years, with these results confirming many people’s worst fears: almost a fifth of student are not satisfied with their course whilst forty per cent aren’t happy with feedback.

The results are a bombshell to self-satisfied students and wounded Oxbridge rejects across campus, undermining the legitimacy of the much loved mantra that QS Shanghai rank UCL 4th in the world.

Jonny Richmond, a Classics undergraduate and Oxford reject, was left reeling by the results and bitterly complained: ”I don’t even know where Lancaster is! Maybe those guys at the union have a point. This university is going down the pan. Viva la revolution”.

It’s not all doom and gloom, however. Underperforming boneheads at Strand Polytechnic (officially ‘Kings College London’) registered 29 places below UCL at an embarrassing 40th. Looks like Juan Carlos of Spain wasn’t the only King to fall from grace this week.

Bye bye credibility!