A typical Wednesday night at Snobs

Everyone in Birmingham knows Snobs. Whether you’re at uni there, or you’re lucky enough to come from that magnificent city, you’ll undoubtably have a story to tell about Snobs. Every Wednesday night every person you’ve ever known or met in Birmingham descends upon this special club for a night of drama and excessive intoxication.

Yes, I only missed two Snobs Wednesdays all summer. Frankly, my only regret is that it wasn’t 15/15. Over summer, new friendships were forged and old bonds fortified through the shared desire for one common activity – ‘Snobsing’ on a Wednesday.

Everywhere you look there’s someone you either know or recognise

No matter where you are, be it the queue to get in, the never-ending queue for the cloakroom, or even queue for the toilet, you just can’t escape people you know in Snobs. You can’t even use the urinals in peace without having to make small talk with that person you used to despise at school or that primary school friend you thought you’d never see again. Even the bartenders and toilet attendants are your mates. The guy in the men’s toilet is genuinely my hero – the night just isn’t the same without a brief catch-up with him followed by a couple of cheeky sprays of Paco Rabanne.

Man like Essien

The night is always a blur

From around 1am onwards, every week without fail, the night is a blur. Not to worry though, a brief flick through the Snobs photographer’s photo album the following morning serves some reminder of what occurred the previous night. Sometimes for the better, often for the worse, you always guarentee you’ll find many unflattering pictures of yourself.

However, I guarantee none will be as embarrassing as these people who actually posed for a group picture whilst dabbing.

Cheap drinks but never an inexpensive night

One of the greatest appeals of Snobs is that it’s supposedly a cheap night out – whether or not you’re a fan of the disco anthems is irrelevant. £1 shots and £2.50 double mixers mean you’re never in a state to notice the Abba songs blaring all night. The golden rule is to never bring your debit card to Snobs due to the £10 minimum spend, as a brief glance at your bank balance (if you can brave it) the morning after only serves to remind you what a great idea that would have been. Naturally, this is something you never learn from and a mistake to be repeated week after week.

You know exactly what to expect

You enter with the sole intention of smashing as many £1.50 VS Vodka Drinks as possible before fleeing to the smoking area to chat as much grease as possible to everyone and anyone you know. Everyone knows to expect drama, be it their mate confronting their ex or their second cousin involved in a massive brawl in the smoking area.

You’ve probably been kicked out at one point

You’re not doing Snobs properly if you’ve never been kicked out. Whether that be for taking your top off or puking at the bar after necking your fifth Jägerbomb of the night.

I think I hold the inglorious record of being kicked out 30 seconds from closing time. Apparently taking your top off and going mad to Wonderwall isn’t appreciated by the bouncers. Who’d have thought?

Snobs unites the youth of Birmingham

The number of people you meet and know purely from Snobs is almost frightening. Everyone seems to know everyone. It’s literally like a massive house party is thrown every Wednesday and the entirety of Birmingham’s adolescents are invited.

The weekly Thursday morning dissection

Thursday mornings are spent engrossed in the group chat working out just how embarrassing the night before was. An anxious scroll through Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram often confirms this fear. However, you’d expect nothing less from a night at Snobs and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

No matter what you promise yourself, you’ll always return

Over the course of summer, I think I ‘retired’ from Snobs on five different occasions only to return without fail the following week. It’s a guilty pleasure. Despite what you promise yourself as soon as Wednesday night is lurking around the corner there’s only one thing on your mind – Snobs Wednesday.

Snobs has served generations, with older siblings, parents and in some cases even grandparents having indulged in the same degeneracy. Long may it continue.