The Palace of Dreams to the Man of your Dreams…in 5 Easy Steps!

Feeling lonely? Find yourself constantly looking longingly at THAT guy across your lecture theatre, but just not quite sure how to get him? Have no fear! As your resident Southampton beauty queen, I’ve got all the best tips to help you bag your man.

This girl is totes gawg xoxo

1. Get a make-over – Let’s be honest, there is probably a reason he’s just not that interested in you. So take a look in the mirror – no man is going to want a girl who isn’t heavily tanned, bleached blonde with long fake nails and eye lashes so heavy they’re hard to blink. Stop faffing around with this whole “au natural” look! Only the truly divine babes like me can pull that one off… the rest of you are just going to have to fake it. Who cares if you have a 9am – getting up at 6 to perfect your ‘bootilicious’ look will be worth it in the long run!
2. Be OUTRAGEOUS – no guy is going to notice that normal, shy girl in the corner. Grab his attention! Stop at nothing. You need to be the one stripping off to Baywatch in Jesters, so get on the bar and shake that thang!
3. Talk to him. CONSTANTLY! I mean, it IS the 21^st century, we have phones, text, facebook (that’s wall and private message), whatsapp, BBM, twitter and even personalized 3am house visits – use your initiative. There is NO reason why you shouldn’t be on his mind and in his face every second of every day. Then there is NO way he can forget about you! Take it from me – men LOVE needy girls!
4. Play dumb – Let’s face it, no man likes an educated girl who he can actually hold a conversation with. I know most of you reading this are at the prestigious University of Southampton, but be careful not to overwhelm him. The key to catching a guy is to make him think you need him for absolutely everything! And what better way than making him think you got to university through clearing? It’s always better to tell him you’re washing your hair than that you’re on your daily date with the Hartley Library.
5. Get with his friends – If he still hasn’t noticed you after you’ve perfected steps 1 – 4, you need to re-think and take some drastic action. Grinding with his bessie on the dance floor in front of him is a sure fire way to make him think “Oh, I NEED to tap that!”. Sleeping with his friends will be even better, as his friend is sure to tell him of your amazing bedroom antics!

If this doesn’t work, you’re clearly punching above your weight. Maybe aim for someone a little more in your league and you might find you are a little more successful! No need to thank me girlies – I’m always here to help 😉 MWAH XOXO