MISSING: The Southampton FC Squad

A manhunt has today been authorised to track the whereabouts of the Southampton players, after Dejan Lovren and Calum Chambers went missing over the last week, following in the footsteps of Rickie Lambert, Adam Lallana, Luke Shaw and Mauricio Pochettino. Lovren was last quoted as saying “my head is in Liverpool”, which only leaves the rest of his body to be found…let’s be frank, this is Southampton after all.

The pillaging of Southampton’s squad has come as a surprise to Saints fans – although it was expected that wunderkind Luke Shaw would leave for an eye-watering fee, and perhaps Lallana too, it was thought that this would be the extent of it – not the complete and utter dismantlement of possibly Southampton’s best ever team, boasting lots of young, English talent which had been nurtured for years through the academy. When your own manager is making subtle digs at the situation, you know you’re in trouble!

£15m record signing Dani Osvaldo is also expected to leave the club soon (good riddance), and significant speculation still surrounds Jose Fonte, Jay Rodriguez and Morgan Schneiderlin. Although chairman Ralph Kreuger came out today and stated that he ‘guaranteed’ that Rodriguez and Schneiderlin would not be sold, the current board has a track record of saying one thing and then doing another. This situation will not have been helped by reports today that Schneiderlin has handed in a transfer request, following his Twitter outburst yesterday after learning he is not to be sold!

Southampton’s line up for the 2014/2015 season; a solid 4-4-2

The reasons behind the sales of these players are neither clear nor simple; is it that the players have seen their chance to move to bigger clubs, and the board don’t have the backbone to say no, or is it that the owner, Katharina Liebherr, is looking to make as much money as possible by selling all easily saleable assets before selling the club? This is certainly plausible – it is believed that although the club has been discreetly for sale for the last few months, no bids have reached the asking price – this may be her way of making up the shortfall.

Whatever the reasons, it is completely demoralizing to not only fans of Southampton, but also other clubs who reside outside the realms of the exclusive, self-appointed ‘big clubs’. If you have a good season, the ‘big clubs’ will unsettle your players until they demand to leave, and the order will remain the same. Along with the FFP (Financial Fair Play) rules, designed to keep the ‘big clubs’ away from the rest (by ensuring a rich owner can’t come in and break the hierarchy again, a la Man City) under the guise of making clubs sustainable, it does make the Premier League seem very depressing and uncompetitive. Bring on a European Super League I say, and let the ‘small clubs’ have a competitive English league once again.

This guy might have to up his game this season

However, I expect all you mugs have clicked on this article hoping to see some of the vast swathes of memes and jokes that this situation has spawned; well you will not be disappointed! Always look on the bright side of life…and have a laugh at whatever predicament you may be in. It could be worse….Blackpool only have 8 players!

 What do you think of the Southampton exodus? Are they dicing with their Premier League status? Comment below.