St Andrews doesn’t need McD’s

This stance is coming from a McDonald’s buff, clocking in a commendable average of 2 to 3 McDank’s runs per week between the most recent summer and winter breaks. Generally these consist of 1:30am drives to the Golden Arches 10 minutes away from my group’s mancave—with our motives ranging from the hilarity that ensues at the drive-thru window, to tossing out the window whatever those of us not driving can find in the driver’s backseat (umbrellas, shoes, car registrations). The 3 or 4 nights a week when we’re sitting around playing FIFA and complaining about our s**tty jobs and our confounding inability to get laid at a remotely respectable rate (ladies), McDonald’s gets brought up.

It’s everywhere. You know the jingle, you’ve hugged that creepy clown, 7 of your friends (now only 1 of whom you still talk to) had their 7^th birthday party outside the ball pit. F**k, I used to watch McDonald’s movies! Thanks, Mom and Dad? Not to claim ownership over others’ gustatory preferences (hey PY2101: Aesthetics), but I like the food, and clearly many others agree. At the very least, in comparison to the traumatizing Turkish Triumvirate of Empire, Marmaris and Dervish, McDonald’s is the Ottoman Empire. But we don’t need one and I have a nice little story to illustrate why.

Two summers ago, there was this rap duo called Zion I playing a show in the middle-of-nowhere Vermont.  Tickets were cheap, so we threw a tent and a poker set into my buddy’s minivan and drove on over to the lovely Green Mountain State. We found ourselves pretty bored when all the subpar acts played before Zion I went on. So we drove 15 minutes or so to Montpelier: the capital of Vermont and the only American state capital (proudly) without a McDonald’s. The ‘city’ looked like St Andrews, if St Andrews had just one main deserted street with a pizza shop and consisted of people that you’d actually wanna grab a beer with. When I think of a place without McDonald’s, I think of Montpelier and I think of the laid-back, kind nature of Vermont.

I hear St Andreans arguing that we should have a McDonald’s and find myself thinking that it wouldn’t bring anything to the table. The physical town of Montpelier, Vermont didn’t really have a whole lot going for it at first blush, yet left me with a richer appreciation for community. So let’s take a page out of little ol’ Montpelier’s book and resist incorporating something that we just don’t need in a town already notorious for excessive excess.

Headline image: americansfortruth.com