What is your worst injury from a night out?

The “one too many” drink means a black curtain, seemingly deeper, darker and most certainly more bottomless than the depths of outer space, is drawn over your eyes and your fate is left pending.

Regardless of your chosen port of call there is one delicious substance connecting them all. Gluttonous amounts of alcohol, all at a very friendly and polite northern price. The resulting chaos could often be featured in the Guinness World Records for its levels of stupidity. We went around campus to find out some of the best injuries sustained from a night out in York, unsurprisingly we managed to find the majority in about half an hour…

Mark, Third Year, Economics

“So I’d had one too many pints of Old Rosie in the Ackhorne and got to Salvo wearing just an old lady cardigan and some girl’s denim hot pants for ‘charity shop’ social. I was refused entry because I kept trying to give the bouncer my debit card instead of my ID. They took me around the side to tell me to cool off. I apparently started swearing and trying to square up to the bouncer then tripped over the kerb and cracked my head open and needed nine stitches.

“I woke up in hospital confused where I was as I didn’t remember most of the stuff after the Ackhorne, all I saw was my mate sat at the end of my bed and I was still wearing my shit costume from a charity shop.”

Sophie, Third Year, History and Elinor, Third Year, History of Art

Sophie, left, and Elinor, right, on an injury free night out, apparently a rare occurrence

Sophie: “Well I was holding one of those stupid half cups in Phats and I accidentally bumped into some girl and spilled my drink. Clearly my apology wasn’t good enough as the next thing I knew she was yanking my hair out and shoving me to the ground. Northerners eh?”

Elinor: “I once had a dead leg after a Salvo night because an oversized sportsman fell on top of me. I also once got my tooth chipped by a flying bottle. Basically I’m a walking disaster most Wednesday nights. It was some silly fresher throwing beer bottles. Not happy. God I’m tragic.”

Elinor also added: “Made it onto the Tab finally, nailed it! I mean I’ve been in ‘Hotties of the week’ twice but that doesn’t really count.”

Jack, Second Year, Biochemistry

The only kind of binge Jack goes on now is a knowledge binge

“My mate was kicking and banging a random door in town and when he was told to stop by someone he responded by telling him to fuck off. After this he ran away and the bloke punched me in the face instead, breaking my nose. I did go to A&E but the wait was five hours, so I went home, had an hour’s sleep, a can of special brew and headed off for my freshers’ welcome lunch.”

Anonymous (you’ll understand why in a moment), probably about twenty, may not even go to York

Their suggested photo

“Basically I went back with a girl in first year and things started getting a little frisky. She reaches around and stuck a finger up my butt, as you do, it hurt a lot so I sent her packing. I went for the standard post night out shit the next morning and there was a fake fingernail in my poop.”

And was there any blood? Anonymous: “Oh yeah, the bog looked like someone had called broken arrow down on our own frontline.”

Claire, Third Year, History and History of Art

Fully recovered

“I was on the Phats dancefloor and there wasn’t really anyone around me, then I felt something flick against my leg, it was very light so I didn’t think anything of it. After about 10 minutes I went to the loos, only then did I realise that my tights were cut open and there was blood everywhere. I still have no idea what happened, I was just left with a scar on my leg.”

Matt, Second Year, Geography

The mark of manliness

“I had been enjoying a lovely evening in Revolutions, I like to go to the classier nights out. I’d met a nice girl, I’d had a few drinks, you know, the usual kinda night out thing. Anyway, eventually we decide to leave and, being the true gent I am, arm in arm we headed for McDonalds. I’m a fairly large lad, so naturally I went for the 20 nugget box. I have no idea what she bought for herself. So I’ve got the girl, I’ve got the nuggs, the next logical step is the romantic setting. I see the Minster. It’s on.

“We’re sitting on the steps, the statue of Constantine the Great is looking over me with pride. We exchanged a nod. He knows. The next thing I know, some locals appear out of the undergrowth and approach us. After a short exchange one of them does the unthinkable, he steals a nugget. Immediately I jump up to defend myself and more importantly my chicken nuggets, not sure what she was doing at the time. I lunge forward, fist ready for use….I miss and I feel the cold, hard unforgiving connection on my face and the next thing, the ground. So I woke up the next morning wondering what had happened. That’s what I’ve managed to piece together at the moment but the facts could be a little off.”

Charlotte, Second Year, English and History

The undeterred break dancer

“I had just got into Phats at the end of last term and I fancied a bit of a boogie. So I hit up the my favourite corner of the dancefloor, it’s to the right of the DJ, you can normally find me there cutting out some mad shapes. That evening I was feeling like a break dance, normally I’d skank like everyone else, but I was feeling a bit edgier than normal. Only a few minutes in, just before I did the 360 head spin, my favourite part, I slipped and fell on my elbow. Unhinged by this I danced on for another hour before I was in quite a lot of pain and so went home. The next day I went for lunch in town and thought I’d go to the hospital to have it checked. It turns out I’d broken my elbow.

“Will it stop me breakdancing in the future? Would the reformation stop the Catholic priests? Course it wouldn’t, if I want to throw down, I’m gonna throw down.”

Ed, First Year, Archaeology

Luckily he had the right tools for excavating

“It was a messy night at Kuda, the bevs had been flowing without a care and somehow I managed to find my way home. I decided to have a glass of water to help the hangover but unfortunately I dropped that glass. To avoid glass around the sink I shovelled it into the shower area and got myself another glass, and did the same thing again. In my drunken state I then decided I needed a shower and had one, woke up the next morning to find pieces of glass sticking out of my feet and my sheets completely covered in blood.”

Flossy, Graduated Last Year, Genetics

“I came back to Halifax from a night out in first year, being the helpful flatmate I am I tried to do some washing up whilst I was a little drunk. The next thing I know I dropped a chopping knife through my foot.”

Who said York was boring? Apparently we’re just hazardous.