York’s most eligible bachelor: Heat Four

The final crop of fine young men vying to become the most eligible bachelor at the University of York according to the will of the people. Scope them out, then take your pick and the top two will progress to the semi-final and ever deeper levels of regret.

Alex Gowthorpe, 2nd year PEP

Introducing West London’s Grimemaster. Alex, otherwise known as ‘Gowthorpe’ to all his edgy friends, is a marathon-running hottie who plays football for Derwent 2nds. In sum, not only is he one of the most likely boys in North Yorkshire to get kicked out of underground nights for mischievous behaviour, but also he is frequently spotted in the Salvo’s smoking area smoking a lop-sided Amber Leaf rollie (n.b. does not go for girls who smoke anything else). When he’s not in York, he enjoys drinking K cider whilst snapchatting and sporting his one and only Derwent AFC jumper which he kisses and locks up in a safe every night. Last year his favourite hangout spot was the quiet place but this year its second floor in the JB Morell where he works hard for his PEP degree. Alex can be seen here cracking jokes, and being adored by his many friends. Ladies, in all seriousness Alex is one of the most genuine and hilarious boys you will ever meet.

Charlie “Gouty” Greene, 3rd year

He’s out of their league

Charlie “Gouty” Greene has managed to make a name for himself in every major Derwent sports club (yes, BOTH of them). If he’s not keeping up his fine physique Deliveroo-ing, he’s running marathons for charity. A real class act. A man who doesn’t need, or better yet, even believe in Tinder. He is known as a common scoundrel, a thief, the man can steal both your girl and your heart in a single fell swoop. He’s ascended the throne as the nicest man in Derwent, but will you sit beside him as queen? Don’t you want to know about that intriguing nickname?

Theo, 1st year, Economics

Theo, first year Economics student and aspiring Blackbox DJ. Born and bred in the county of Kent, Theo can often be seen strolling through the countryside with his dog, in the gym smashing a session, or working hard on a brand new vibey mix; either activity accompanied by his beloved bright orange Jack Wolfskin coat and some bootcut jeans. Regularly seen scoring for DCAFC, it’s time Theo steps up and starts scoring off the pitch. The perfect all-rounder, he’s a brilliant candidate. Who knows, if he wins he might treat you to a bowl of cereal or two.

Max “Danny” Armitage, 1st year, Biochemistry

Max just loves to pull the ladies but isn’t afraid to let his metrosexuality get the better of him with the odd fella. Hugely committed to volunteering work, he helps the elderly ‘and more’. He even went all the way to India to do humanitarian work, truly unique among the Russell Group crowd. He’s also a livewire maverick daredevil, contributing a huge amount to the University’s parachuting club. Don’t think he’ll stop to rest once he’s hit the ground, as he is a parkour expert. He is certainly someone to look to if you’re seeking a more altruistically adrenaline-filled love life.