Who is Ryan Libbey? The man holding Louise Thompson aloft in this picture

Louise Thompson has a boyfriend and his name is Ryan Libbey. And that’s important, because Ryan Libbey is not my name. It’s the name of a personal trainer from Battersea; thick as a fledgling oak, strong like the gates of Valhalla. He met Louise at work and from there the rest, as they say, is history.

An athlete and a scholar

Before Ryan got all big, he was an academic – devoting himself to wider reading as well as the bench press. He attended Cardiff Met, leaving with a 2:1 in Sports Biomedicine and Nutrition. In between his rigorous scholarly schedule, Ryan found time to play rugby.

Conveniently, as our boy was heading to the Welsh capital to study, his dad Rick was also working in Wales. As the most senior Army officer in the country, his tenure passed without incident. Other than this one time, which saw Brigadier Libbey embroiled in a controversy surrounding the allegedly improper payment of a squad curry (we’ve all been there) – he was cleared of any wrong doing.

The brothers Libbey

Not content with British military pedigree stronger than the queue into Twickenham’s Hospitality Entrance, Surrey boy Ryan also possesses two absolutely adorable brothers: Gareth and Adam. They work at KPMG and Bishopsgate Financial respectively. Ryan lives with Adam and a friend in Battersea, London.

It is from SW18 that Ryan runs his freelance personal training and nutrition business – where he met Louise. But before the luxury of self-assessment and unlimited free protein shakes came around the Ry-man had to tough it out in the still, admittedly, fairly luxurious role of  “Shirtless Model” for Abercrombie and Fitch. On his LinkedIn we’re told responsibilities included “welcoming customers to the store for a whole new shopping experience” and being “required to be topless.”

Crunches for couples

If you really want to know about Ryan, though, you need not look any further than the multiple, unsettling, insidious videos of him working out with Louise. The movements vary, but a motif recurs. Louise clings to her marbled slab of man meat, either by straddle or around the ankle. She effortlessly moves through each repetition typically ending each with a kiss, either blown or on the lips.

Say what you want about #CouplesWhoWorkoutTogether, you can infer everything you need to about Mr Libbey and his past from such deeply sinister videos. And it’s this: Louise will cast Ryan to the wayside, soon, like poor defenceless Alik before him.