Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, it’s the clubbers of the week

Every week I bring you the best clubbers in the UK, and every week you say nothing. No comments, no emails – no thanks for the things I do for you. It hurts.

Do you even read this bit? Do you even care? Come on, man. Here’s the jazziest, snazziest clubbers in the country.

At least fucking tweet me if you enjoy them.

To kick things off, here’s a shark man with a pitcher of vomit

Nothing to see here

Pretty sure two of these guys are Photoshopped in

Just a theory

I actually feel much better after being sick so much

Might get myself another drink

Didn’t realise your family were visiting this weekend

Dad’s got his tin foil hat on again

I’m sorry, mate. No boots, no cats, no entry.

It’s in the fucking name man

Someone get this girl some reading glasses

For all our sakes

Just three shillings, sir, and we’ll show you some tantalising ankle

Best ankles in the southwest, this girl

The Riddler will be telling no riddles for you tonight

He has a mouth, but does not speak

They’ve just seen your naked body

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be

Two strippergrams? For me!?

It’s gonna be a hell of a night

GIRLS FURLS EELS AYE

I don’t know what it means either

When you realise it’s not 1980

Oh bugger I’ve gone and put my foot right in it

Bonus round: Men jizzing themselves on the dancefloor

OH

CHRIST

Yes, glorious master, I will do your bidding without question

No, stay in your crypt – preserve your strength for the full moon

When you think about how many people you’ve let die because you love clubbing so much

How many fires go unfought while I stand here on this dancefloor?