Why are you paying to watch people from The Valleys DJ?

When you’re shelling out anything more than a fiver to go and see a DJ, you’d like to think you’re getting some sort of value for money. You’d like to think that they can mix, or have their name to some songs you might have heard of. At the very least, they should wear headphones to look the part.

But when I go out in Cardiff all I see are reality TV stars behind the decks.

It’s all well and good saying that they are the “star DJ” for the night, but what are they doing back there? I was hoping they would do a little more than just stand there.

Last year, Mark Wright came to Glam. He was met by a swathe of needy girls who couldn’t stop saying “oh my god” – at one point, I joined in and I think I got a bit starstruck too. His looks were pretty bang on, and yes, technically he was “famous”. Yet at no point did he even try to make it look as if he was playing any music.

As one overplayed song blurred into the next, he just stood there and took selfies. Now I love selfies as a much as the next person, but Mark Wright had one job to do and he just wasn’t doing it very well. £5 to watch a bloke play a predrinks set.

For that money I could’ve bought a bottle of T & A’s finest rose, or a delicious doner from Mama’s.

And the list goes on, and gets even trashier. I once paid to see Chidgey from The Valleys. There I said it. I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way.

“ew his smile is weeeird”

Every university has their demons. Oxford has their class issues, Leeds has a drug problem, and Newcastle has Geordies. Cardiff has a never ending hell cycle of talentless reality TV club appearances.

There’s more to Cardiff than fake tan and bodycon dresses, but these wannabes are keeping the cliche alive. They’re the reason our home friends ask “is it like The Valleys?” every time we’re back. Can we have some better DJs please?