How to get served in the SU

Whether we’re searching for future rugby playing husband on a Wednesday night, suddenly becoming best friends with randoms from our course at Flux, or even getting a skank on at Treatment, Cardiff students are very fond of a night out at the SU. 

But even though Brits are renowned for queuing, one thing we’re not very fond of is queuing for our drinks. 

I’m not sure whether it’s slow bar staff or if everyone is desperate to top up their blood alcohol level at exactly the same time but, despite boasting three bars, the SU can be a notoriously difficult place to get even a cup of water, let alone a VK. 

Here are some top tips for how to barge your way through the crowds, make it to the front, and return with a drink in hand in no time.    

How did we make it to the front?

Elbows

This classic move is always very effective. Take a step back, raise your elbows at the ready, and shove your way through the crowds. You’re probably likely to make some enemies along the way, but have no shame because you’ll get to the front and that’s all that matters.

Pretend to die

This is the perfect opportunity to put your GSCE Drama into practice. Pretend to faint/die/throw up whilst one of your friends picks you up and rushes you to the front of the crowded bar claiming that you “desperately need a drink”. Just try not to get caught out when you suddenly order two double vodka redbulls and four jaeger bombs.

Sneak in from the side

An oldie but a goodie. You might not get served quite as quickly as you would if you were “dying”, but hold down your position at the front and slowly edge your way sideways as people next to you move out of the way, closer to where the barman is serving. Be sure to stare them down too.

Flirt your way in

See that cute guy/girl just in front of you? Make eye contact, flick your hair, shyly smile and look down, then look back up, then turn to your mates and laugh along with them even though you don’t have a fucking clue what they just said, then push your way through the queue towards each other. They might not be a looker, but who cares because you’re one step closer to the front and probably about to bag yourself a free drink.

Pretend to have a cold

Pretend to sneeze whilst gently flicking a drink at the back of the person in front’s head. They will turn around in disgust, wipe the back of their head, look you up and down and bugger off in fear that they’ve just caught your ebola whilst you smile sweetly and take their spot in the queue.    

Flash ya tits

I mean yes, by all means go and do this and it might be quite effective, although you’re probably more likely to have a bouncer’s grasp on your shoulders, rather than a drink in your hands.