Sober nights, boring sex and other reasons why you don’t need a boyfriend at uni

It’s really easy to find a boyfriend in the first term of uni – but you’d be an idiot to get one. If Freshers’ isn’t about screwing around and cheeky 3am booty calls during a study sesh, then I don’t know what I’m doing here.

Some people go for the co-dependent option, commitment monogamy, BORING. Even the words last too long. Who wants to go out in a club knowing they can’t grind, pull or screw anyone they want? Not me.

Seriously? Get a grip

Then there’s the relationship side of things, full of emotions and feelings. Ugh, sorry, but I have a deadline the next day, have a few hours of clubbing to fit in and I cannot come over and listen to you cry about being homesick, that’s what my girlfriends are for. Not only does having a relationship literally consume all of your time, you eat way more than you ever should because you are “comfortable” in knowing you can get a fuck whenever you want one. Well, sorry, but I can get a better one, with a fitter body and without the emotional puppet strings and without your neediness and jealousy.

We have come to uni to be ourselves, to be independent and to learn what it is to take care of yourself. If you think I need a man to hold my hand, or a shoulder to cry on, we seriously live different lives. And serious is just not something I do. It is time for work to take priority, and your Netflix and Chill seshes, every single night, get in the way of this. Let alone that much needed bonding time with your partners in crime – your housemates.

Alongside all this, something with a maximum shelf-life of three years does not rank above the first class degree which will fire me into my career. Let’s be honest, who would choose a seven pound weight gain and a 2:2 over a high class job offer on graduation, definitely not me. Going back home after uni is just not the option, and this includes travelling half the country to meet your family. Spending an awkward Christmas getting to know everyone from your grandparents to your baby niece, all while I think of my impending deadlines in a couple of weeks’ time. Nu-uh thank you very much. I really would prefer to revise and get my knowledge on.

Think I’m a cold-hearted bitch? Not a chance, I’m a biatch. I know what I want and I know how I’m going to get it. My friend’s agree uni is not the time for that type of commitment. If you’re settled in to your career for five years, yeah, maybe. What’s the point of starting something which will inevitably fail – ending in divorce and a deep seething hate. Sorry, but I just really don’t have time for you.