Everything you shouldn’t do during Cardiff Freshers’ Week

Here is the wisdom from years of mistakes. No doubt Freshers’ is an exciting time of year. Living on your own. Starting your own life . It’s basically the start of everything. However, it is fragile, and can go tits up really easily.

So from the boozy to banging to breaking, here’s how first year can backfire.

Sleeping with a rugby guy

Don’t do it. I said don’t. Thank me later when your reputation isn’t ruined.

Starting a diet

Chippy Lane is the place to be. If you’ve started uni on a diet you’re missing out. Tipping your kebab over someone you’ve just met and going back to theirs to ‘clean’ that garlic mayo off is like a right of passage. Chucking an apple at someone in the ASSL just doesn’t cut it.

Yes please.

Getting banned from a club

No one wants to stop before it has even started.

Walking home alone

Don’t be an idiot – alcohol doesn’t make you invincible and you’ll make people worry about you. Even main roads aren’t safe so turn around and hop in a taxi. Also, drunken walks home scoffing a burger from the SU burger van whilst your mate throws theirs up is one unforgettable memory you don’t want to miss.

Friends who drink together stay together

Ending up in hospital

Being on crutches for the rest of the year will suck arse. Could be fun, getting your cast signed etc. etc. but your story will wear as thin as the skin of your hands as you limp from Taly down to lectures. No signing up for sports, no dancing, no drinking on pain meds – basically your life is over.

Getting off with your flatmate

Once you go there you can’t go back. That kiss happened. First year will be spent listening to them bang through Taly walls whilst you’re just looking at the read receipt timestamp. If your flatmate fancies you then play it out – get caught in the kitchen in just a towel (and perfectly done hair and makeup). I’m sure there’s a saying about it’s not the goal but the journey or something.

Don’t do it

Breaking your phone

How’s that fit guy going to get hold of you? If you’re prone to breaking your phone, leave it at home or pick up a ten pound brick. You’ll save yourself dollar in the long run. Hangovers are only made worse by your reflection in a cracked screen.

Refusing to go out

Staying in is for the weeks (or days) before your exam, depending on how hardcore you are.

A couple of weeks during the beginning of term is not going to damage your uni career. You can party and still cruise through with a first. Plus, you only need 40% anyway.

Studying is for exam time guys?

Throwing up in a lecture

It happens. Trust me, my flatmate in first year had to run down the stairs, past the lecturer and into the toilets on the first day. I’m surprised she even made it. You’ll either risk your credibility, and any motivation to ever go again, or become a total BNOC.

Spending all your loan

Fuck it we all like going out. If you don’t finish first year £1000 in your overdraft you might question if you even partied. But the hangover of getting a job and budgeting for the next two years is worse than freshers’ flu. No hangover food. No retail therapy. Barely a notepad to write in. Plus, mum nagging on the phone about her birthday present is a real bummer, so take it from a spend-a-holic, and learn to budget.

Forever skint

Missing your induction

Missing that first session is like doing shots at the beginning of the night – you won’t get very far and won’t remember a thing, but everyone will remember you – and your lecturer is already ‘disappointed in you’ before they’ve even read your work.

Staying in your room

You don’t know what you’re missing. Seriously. Get out your room, there’s probably asbestos and silverfish in there anyway.

Burning bridges

Don’t be a uni bitch. Leave the school games in the playground, it’s time to grow the fuck up. Sometimes you meet someone and you just don’t get along. Just wait and sooner or later you’ll find something to bond over and you’d have saved yourself many tears, phone calls home and basically your whole entire uni experience.