Everything you need to stop doing on Tinder if you want a right swipe

Tinder is basically a necessity when single. Not only does it give your thumb a decent workout, it’s a useful and entertaining app that lets you view potential mates in your area. I’ve had Tinder on and off for a few years now and have complied a list of off putting pictures and traits that have resulted in me always swiping left.

When I have no clue who you are in group pictures

A big pet peeve shared by many flicking through Tinder. How are we meant to know which one is you? I’m not here to play Where’s Wally for God’s sake.

But which one are you?

And yes, you will ALWAYS be the worst looking one in the group and you won’t be your fit mate who you’re standing next to. We’re just not ready to face that disappointment.

When your pictures aren’t of you 

This one is awful as well. An object that’s not you in your Tinder pictures – a meme (even if it’s funny) or a car (however nice it is) is a definite no. And a picture of scenery – don’t even go there.

Bristol Harbour is pretty but I’d rather see you

It’s not taking me out on a date. I want to see your face.

When you pose with girls purposefully

ladette

There’s nothing wrong with pictures with female friends, but when it’s just an obvious attempt to look like you’re popular with the opposite sex then that’s just plain annoying. It’s even worse when you include a picture of you with your ex. Yes, we get it – you were punching, but that doesn’t make our hormones scream YES! It just makes us think you haven’t gotten over her.

When you put up “lad” pictures 

Pictures of you being a typical “lad” are just off putting and will nearly always get you a swipe left. For example, flexing in an overly obvious manner in the gym showing off your guns, you partying and surrounded by half naked girls in Ibiza and you in Nandos devouring chicken. Not interested soz.

When you show off 

Those pictures of you sprawled out on an exotic beach, posing with a Tiger and riding Elephants are just yawn inducing. We don’t want to hear about how you “found yourself” in Bali or how Daddy bought you a yacht. Plus having pictures with Tigers are cruel and just there for likes. Get one with your cat instead.

When I’m scared of your dodgy selfies

You know the type – those grainy shady selfies that scream serial killer and make you look like you live in your Mum’s basement. Remember boys those “edgy” selfies won’t make us want you more; they’ll make you look wanted by the police.

When I know that you’re lying about your age

ID pls.

Yes we can still see that school shirt and blazer

You’re not fooling anyone; we can see that school shirt that you unsuccessfully tried to crop out and the recently framed Driving Certificate languishing in your room. Despite changing your age on Facebook, your baby face and peach fuzz begs to differ. Leave Tinder to us adults.

When you’re too good a human 

It’s difficult to swipe right to pictures of you running multiple marathons, volunteering in Africa building mud huts and going to Camp America. You’re just too active, too compassionate and too interesting for me. I don’t want you to think that I’m lazy and unimaginative when at the weekends all I want to do is lie on the sofa, watch TV and eat brownies.

When you’ve Super Liked me

Tragic

We can all smell the desperation oozing from you. You’re desperate for a girlfriend so your mum will stop ringing you up asking if you’ve met a nice girl yet. You’re also going through a (very) long dry spell.

It’s a no from me.