Mastering the fine art of cockblocking can be an odd topic to discuss, but by following these simple steps you might actually have the chance of acquiring the skills that you need to ruin your friend’s chances of a romantic conquest.

Precursor: High risk of losing friends.

If you always find yourself feeling bitter and lonely and you don’t want to suffer alone, look no further!

The third wheel about to pounce on his prey

We’ve all been a victim and/or participated in the art of cockblocking. Whether you’re trying to avoid being the third-wheel, or have your eyes set on someone and want to eliminate the competition, here are the best ways to abruptly end any prospect of others finding happiness.

Chance of success: 1/5

1. Ignore all hints

Act oblivious to the fact that you’re not wanted, and refuse to leave. Caution: this will most likely end with your friend snapping at you, and telling you to do one.

Act oblivious

 2. Act over-protective

If you’re on a night out, repeatedly ask patronising questions like “are you sure you want to do this?” or “haven’t you had a little too much to drink?”, as if you are just a worried friend and obviously, an unintentional cockblocker.

Chance of success: 2/5

DO NOT leave my side

 3. Be annoying/clingy

Constantly ask ridiculous questions and never leave the “couple” alone. Chances are the person your friend is trying to pull will have enough of you, and probably your friend, ruining all hope for the both of you.

Chance of success: 3/5

4. Pretend you’re a drunken mess

If all else fails, drag attention to yourself. With no one else to look after you, your friend will feel guilty, and abandon other plans. Of course, this all rests on whether your friend cares enough about you to lose out.

Chance of success: 4/5

 5. Be the ultimate cockblock – go in for the steal!

If the opportunity comes your way, and you’re sick of being the wingman/wingwoman, steal the potential partner away from your friend. This relies on external factors such as having the ability to get them in the first place.

Chance of success: 4.5/5

If you’re willing to sink to pathetic levels, combine all moves.

And if nothing works, just let your friend get to it