The five-step guide to a cheap night out in London

There are three words which I often associate with London, ‘loves’, ‘being’ and ‘expensive’. £8 cocktails, £4 pints and £5 Kopparbergs can quickly transform your drunken escapades into a monetary disaster. However, do not worry! This 5-step guide will set you up for an affordable night out in ‘The Big Smoke’ which won’t leave you reduced to buying solely from the value range at your local supermarket…

1. Pre-drinking (also known as pre-lash or ‘prinking’)

This (almost) goes without saying: always pre-drink. You will save a phenomenal amount of money by gathering your friends in a suitable flat, setting up a good game/s of Ring of Fire and consuming copious amounts of alcohol to the sound of atrocious ‘pre-lash music’. Heading out suitably trolleyed will automatically decrease the number of drinks you buy later – there’s only so much you can take.

Warning: Make sure your pre-drinks don’t turn into this

2. Hip flask

The hip flask is a god-send. Vast sums of money are saved by purchasing a £3 hip-flask on Amazon, filling it with your favourite value spirit, and heading out to stealthily pour it into your chosen mixer. Extra money can be saved (and respect gained) by pouring a disproportionally large amount of spirit into your mixer – reducing the number of soft drinks you have to buy. And just remember: half-pints of mixers are only 75p at Waterfront.

Oh hey there liver failure

3. Student nights

Hitting London town on a Saturday night can be a costly experience. Save money by heading out on a weekday to one of London’s more economically friendly student nights. Wednesday is a good choice. Moonlighting Nightclub – ‘Moonies’ – hoasts ‘Cheap$kates’, £1 drinks and £3 entry before 11pm, whilst the infamous Walkabout at Temple offers £2 drinks with £3 tickets in advance. Monday’s ‘Sneak’ at XOYO offers £2.50 drinks and, for the more flamboyant, head to G-A-Y for £1.70 drinks Monday to Thursday. “9am lecture tomorrow”, I hear you say? Man up.

What comes before part B?

4. Take advantage of your friends

“Alcohol makes you feel invincible when you are most vulnerable” or so the NHS advert goes. In their boozed-up state, certain friends will often make the ill-fated judgement of thinking that they have a lot of money. Take advantage of this. If a friend runs up to you, card-in-hand and happily offering you a drink – let them. Is it really your responsibility to remind them that they will be descending further and further into their overdraft?

Alternatively, just draw on your friends…

5. Become a slut (‘USE FOR BOOZE’)

This step should really be taken as a last resort – your behaviour will be morally reprehensible. Go for (/because you are) broke. Take a deep breath, locate a lonely looking man/woman at the bar and say to yourself, “USE FOR BOOZE”. After receiving your alcoholic beverage, quickly flee the scene before your sleazey victim has time to notice.  Yes, you will have become a pathetic excuse for a human being. But you will have a free drink.

“Do you like raisins? How about a date?”