Lonsdale gets almost 10 times as many disciplinaries as everyone else

An FOI request has shown that Lonsdale had 230 disciplinaries in 2014/15, distantly trailed by quiet, unassuming Cartmel with a measly 49. 

The request showed the number of disciplinary actions taken against members of each college in the academic year 2014/15.

Nice, well-behaved Grad College only managed 10, probably because they’re all busy with their spouses and kids and whatever else it is Grad students do.

Look at ’em, jumping in ponds without a care in the world

Bowland limped into last place with less than five in the whole year, winning them the coveted Golden Pocket Protector of Boring Bastardry.

County’s 31 (presumably including Gatward) was narrowly beaten by Pendle’s 32, whilst Furness and Grizedale failed to break past 30 with 22 and 29, respectively.

Fylde claimed the middle ground with a respectable 36, which were presumably all football hooliganism-related.

The biggest surprise is probably that County has such a low number, suggesting that for all their talk, County FC are actually a bunch of pussies.

We can’t prove it, but this was probably Lonnie’s fault

Compared to the results for 2013/14, not a lot has changed. Lonsdale had 268 to second place Grizedale’s 51.

Namby-pamby Grad had precisely none, whilst County, Furness and Pendle all tied with 27.

Asked what he thought of his college’s skills, Lonsdale fresher Travis Martin said only: “That’s why we’re the best”.