24 things you should never do as a Lancs student, ever

Coming to university can be very daunting. The pandemic definitely skyrocketed our anxiety in terms of socialising and trying to fit in while returning to some form of normality. While there are unspoken rules of being a university student, such as don’t sleep with your flatmates in Freshers, no one tells you what not to do as a Lancs student before you arrive, or while you’re actually here.

So, we compiled a list of all the things you’d get shunned for doing as a Lancs Uni student. Don’t worry, we’re sure you don’t do any of them…

1. Don’t be rude to Sultans staff

True, you should never be rude to staff anywhere, but Sultans staff in particular deserve all our love. They are our friends. Don’t disrespect those who hand out free water.

2. Don’t go three years without going to Wok Inn

Don’t be the type of person to only eat out at the same places on campus, such as the staples of Greggs, Subway and GoBurrito. Branch out. And if you haven’t tried Wok Inn yet, what’s stopping you?

3. Don’t try to pick up the ducks

They may look cute but appreciate from a distance. 

4. Don’t talk on the C floor of the library

It’s a silent zone for a reason, no one wants to hear about your weekend antics. Some of us have essays to write.

5. Don’t go to Greggs at midday

Spending fifteen minutes in a queue for a sausage roll? Ummm no thanks.

6. Don’t wear heels to Sugar

Why subject yourself to the pain of sore feet? It’s only Lancaster, your Air Forces will do.

7. Don’t just make friends in your college

Make as many friends as you can and don’t limit yourself to your college. Just because you live in Grizedale doesn’t mean you won’t find cool people in Fylde. Yes, you graduate with your college, but don’t let that be the only reason you don’t branch out in your friendship group.

8. Don’t buy the platinum gym membership

Trust us, you’re not going to work out five times a week and run a cheeky 5k between lectures. Stop kidding yourself and save your loan. Get the cheaper memberships if you want, but are you really prepared to invest that much money when realistically you won’t actually attend those Zumba classes you thought you would at the start of term?

9. Don’t buy a regular day-rider

I know you turned 20 last year but if you don’t have a bus pass, why not try to get an under 19 day rider? It’s worth a shot.

10. Don’t say you want to go to the Lakes 24/7 and then never go

It’s not far on the train, if you want to go, just go. If you can’t be bothered, stop saying you want to go to the Lakes every weekend. Just do it!

11. Don’t say you’re a northerner if you’re from Nottingham

You’re southern, get over it.

12. Don’t think you’re edgy if you’re from Pendle

You just aren’t, and that’s OK.

13. Don’t live in Bowerham

Why would you do that to yourself? You are forced to take the 100 bus which is almost guaranteed to be full every morning when you are rushing to make it to your 9 am.

14. Don’t do your full shop in Sainsbury’s when there’s an Adli

Aldi supremacy all the way. Or if you desperately need to buy the brands, there is an ASDA just across the bridge. 

15. Don’t shag in the library toilets

Just don’t! Just… don’t.

16. Don’t make being in County your whole personality

You live in a townhouse… and what?

17. Don’t complain about the walk to lectures if you’re in Cartmel

You inflicted that pain onto yourself when you chose the college furthest away from Alex Square. And that walk is nothing compared to those who live in town who have to get the bus. 

18. Don’t sit at the front row in your lectures

You will get picked on and you will regret it. If the only seats left are at the front, you need to be more organised and get to your lecturers on time.

19. Don’t go out Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights

You may think you can hack it, but who are you kidding? The hangover on Saturday night will have been piling up all week. Not even uni students can handle that much alcohol every week. Give your liver a break, we’re begging you.

20. Don’t take forever to walk down the spine

This is disrespectful to those of us who have less than 10 minutes to rush from Charles Carter all the way to County Main. This is not Mario Bros, we can’t jump over you.

21. Don’t join every society you can think of

Joining societies is great! Definitely get involved in student activities and meet new people. But if you sign up for more than six societies you’ll struggle to actually attend every meeting and you’ll stress about having too much on your plate.

22. Don’t walk to campus in the rain

Yes, the bus from town is expensive and yes, walking is more sustainable. But don’t attempt the walk in the pouring rain as you’ll be sitting in your lectures drenched. Lancaster is ranked the second most rainy city for a reason.

23. Don’t fall off the stage in Sugar

Pretty self-explanatory.

24. Don’t have your laptop volume on in the library

You may think you’ve connected your headphones correctly, but sometimes Bluetooth fails us and music will just blast out of your laptop into the silent Reading Room in the library. Always have your volume on zero, just in case.

There we have it, 24 things that you shouldn’t do while at Lancs Uni. Maybe this will help you become a better Lancs student, or maybe you’ll ignore all of this advice and carry on talking on the C floor and calling yourself a northerner even though you grew up in Birmingham. But please, please don’t shag in the library toilets.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• You’re a walking red flag if you do any of these 23 things as a Lancs student

• From colleges to unconditional offers: Debunking every Lancs Uni myth

• QUIZ: How long you’d last in The Apprentice based on your Lancs student habits