We know everything about your personality based on what you like to drink at pres

Remember: gin girls are psycho

8 years ago

Guides

It’s how every great friendship began during freshers – you turned up to that girl you sat next to in the intro lecture’s flat, and she was already halfway through the exact same bottle of Blossom Hill that you’d brought to pres. And so they lived, happily ever after. Like it or not, your drink of choice says a lot about you as a person. Are you an edgy Red Stripe drinker, or are you next-level predictable with your vodka mixers?

Vodka mixer

You’ve been playing it safe since the absinthe-induced disaster that was your eighteenth birthday. Every single night out, you watch as your peers down shot after shot or order such exotic combinations as a rum n Ting or a Disaronno and Coke, sticking to your old faithful because you know it will never end in a taxi floor chunder. It’s not that you’re boring, it’s just that coming to uni has been an adventure in itself, and you don’t want to push your own limits before it’s absolutely necessary.

Your face when you realise you can afford Smirnoff

VK

You’re not being ironic, you’re just acting fourteen.

Cocktails

Either your student loan is massive or daddy thinks he’s funnelling money into your bank account to fund showjumping lessons instead of wild afternoons at your nearest Rev’s. You don’t really like the taste of most spirits, but you absolutely love how smashed they can get you when you mix twelve of them together in the space of three drinks. They’re not exactly the easiest things to pre with either (kitchens in halls definitely don’t have enough room for a fully-functioning cocktail bar) but that wonderful rainbow vomit at the end of the night makes it all worth your while.

Red Stripe

Before coming to uni, the most exotic beer you’d ever drank was that half pint of Punk IPA your dad bought you to accompany a pub lunch over summer. It was a surprise, then, when alongside vodka mixers and Jägerbombs, Red Stripe was listed among the drinks deals at almost every club you now frequent. At first, you drank it because your new friends did. It doesn’t exactly taste that great warm. Over time, however, it grew on you like an edgy little cyst. It’s all you drink. It’s all you know how to drink. It doesn’t even get you drunk any more because your veins are probably running brown with Red Stripe. Do you need help?

Turn the label to the camera to maximise edginess

Shots

You’re hardcore. There is no mixed drink on this Earth that could possibly affect your carefully crafted tolerance for all things alcoholic. You can’t sit through a game of Ring of Fire without suggesting everyone switch to Centurion instead. You’re just here to get on it, no matter what the cost to your liver. Sambuca, tequila, whiskey… in your opinion, there is no greater feeling than a throat on fire and legs that no longer work.

Rose or white wine

It’s cheap, you’re poor, and it gets the job done. A bottle and a half down and you’re ready to bust out your best dance moves to the likes of ABBA and Sophie Ellis-Bextor until the sun comes up. You’ll get with anyone, you’ll fall out with your best mates over absolutely nothing, and you’re guaranteed to have the worst headache of your life in the morning. It’s all worth it though, because while your peers are forced to walk the two miles home, you sit victorious in the back of an Uber, bank account happy and head spinning.

Red wine

It cost six fifty, it tastes like vinegar, but you can’t so much as smell Blossom Hill anymore without running for the nearest toilet. If you can stomach a cheap red wine you’re a stronger sesh contender than us more mortals could ever hope to be. You’re just here to get drunk, but you want to look a different level of classy while you do it. There’s just something intellectually superior about drinking straight from a green bottle as opposed to a clear one.