No spray, no lay

No Armani, no punani. No splash, no gash. No soap, no hope. No Davidoff, no suckioff. No cologne, go home alone. Yes, we’ve heard them all. But is there actually a spray that guarantees to get you laid? Often labelled as the ‘black magic’ of seduction, Pheromone colognes are described to contain a specially formulated mix of hormones that are secreted during love making, to drive the opposite sex crazy – at least that’s what it says on the tin.

These pheromone colognes can be found online, all claiming to be the best in the market. Prices range from £10-100+. After reading customer reviews and testimonials I decided to try out ‘Chikara’.

Priced at £50 ‘Chikara’ claims to contain the three pheromones found in most of the top-selling pheromone products (as to what those were wasn’t very specific). So after forking out £50 and an extra £10 in customs charges (bastards) I couldn’t wait to try out my new toy!

Day 1

I applied two sprays to the neck area and then went out. I must say initial results were pretty poor and I wasn’t really seeing the effects as much as I would have hoped. That night I went home alone.

Day 2

Starting to reel the ladies in…

After the disastrous results of the first night, I decided to up the dosage, applying two sprays to the neck area, two behind the ears and one on the lower stomach area. Results were a LOT better than the previous night.

I felt more confident and noticed a subtle change in the behaviour of the opposite sex, girls seemed to be a lot more at ease being physical around me. And although there were significant results during the night, I did unfortunately end up going home, alone, again.

Day 3

Same dosage as last time, slight change of venue from the usual nights out to a house party environment. Ended up staying the night. RESULT.

Day 4

I went a bit nuts and upped the dosage to four sprays to the neck and chest area and two to the lower stomach. But I might of overdone it this time – my peers noticed a strong smell of urine emanating from me, but I put on a brave face and went out.

Very little results, I did still succeed in pulling (despite apparently smelling like piss) but alas I did not succeed in convincing my conquest to leave for the night with me.

Day 5

Come at me, girls.

Went back to the initial dosage, didn’t bother going out but instead went to see a friend I usually see when certain needs arise. I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say our sexual encounter was a bit friskier than usual.

Verdict

Definitely not worth the asking price, if you want to get laid that badly, £60 is enough to buy you an hour with a lady of the night. Overall it didn’t have the effects I was expecting, and I’m still not sure whether the spray works or whether there’s simply a placebo effect in play.

Unless you absolutely need a massive confidence boost, I would advise against buying this. Beauty is something that’s on the inside –  you don’t need to mask it with external products. Let’s face it, most of us will never have the bodies of Calvin Klein models, or sculpted jawlines, but once we find comfort in ourselves, others will find comfort around us.