New Year’s Eve is a let down

Taxi fares

It’s a good job we all have that distant relative who can never be bothered with Christmas shopping and instead simply shoves a tenner in a card. How else would we afford the extortionate prices charged by every single taxi firm? Charging almost triple the standard amount, we’re forced to brave the iced roads, praying to simply make it through the first day of every New Year. The best option is to assign a (sober) designated driver to take one for the team. It’s only fare after all..

The balance

Due to a staggering increase in both club entry prices and drink prices, getting the pre drink balance correct is vital. Drink too much beforehand in an attempt to save putting several rounds on the card results in no night out at all. The bouncer declares ‘You’ve had enough sunshine’ and with a stern grip you’re escorted out of the (forty five minute) queue. Perks include fairly quiet takeaways at this stage of the night. Drink too little beforehand and your New Year resolution will be to get another overdraft.

Stamina

Those who opt for a house party instead will unfortunately have to deal with that one person who doesn’t make it past, or even to midnight. Keeping the Christmas spirit alive and indulging in just a little too much cheap wine, cider and sherry whilst taking full advantage of the duck spring rolls never ends well regardless of what year it is. You’ll find them strewn across a kitchen or bedroom floor, or sometimes enjoying the comforts of the bathtub.

Saliva

Some parties seem to result in the appearance of various relatives. Relatives who you have absolutely no recollection of ever having met before, despite their vivid memories of you being ‘only this high’. And yet, all seem disturbingly keen to make their way round at midnight leaving a less than desirable smooch on every available cheek.

 New Year New Me

The wait is finally over to witness the bombardment of your news feed with all the ‘new year new me’ statuses. Many with the same anticipation that ‘this year  is my year’ and that any ‘bad memories will be left behind’. Fuck off.

Resolutions

Must drink less.

And so with the arrival of a new year comes the expectation that everyone should have an exciting New Year’s resolution. Taking up zumba, going to the gym or to stop drinking less are all popular decisions. Deciding not to have a New Year’s resolution is a firm favourite though.

 January

New Year’s Eve means saying farewell to the past year along with the chocolates, cheese boards and cheesy music and hello to January and the Robbo. A dismal, dreary month filled with the impending gloom of exams and essays and deadlines. Temperatures plummet but don’t worry it’s only about seven months til summer…