Geordie Shame

According to a new study by the Higher Education Funding Council, those from London and the South East are a whopping 43% more likely to make it into unay than their brown ale-drinking, gravy-smothering Geordie peers.

The total amount of youngsters attending universities or colleges rose by 8% in the last ten years, presumably because more people have cottoned on to the fact that degrees like Golf Management studies are just elaborate terms for a 3 year bender.

Seminar 4: Clothing; When in doubt, cheque it out

Surprisingly, the only area above the Watford Gap to make the top ten for participation was Sheffield Hallam, the constituency of student betrayer Nick Clegg, where 63% of young people make it to uni.

The highest overall score belongs to the Rah-dense suburb of Wimbledon, with 68% of school leavers making it into university. Probably because their daddies can get enough Centre-court tickets  for every admissions tutor in the Russell Group.

Daddy said if I let Andy Murray serve at me, I can get a pony at Sutton Bonington

The report also found “many areas where young people are least likely to go into higher education can be found… in former industrial towns in the Midlands and the North.”

It appears that this divide in uni participation has reinvigorated the bitter North-South rivalry:

Dear all northerners talking to me at uni, “Who were that” should be “Who was that”. Many thanks, Southerner who hates you. x

— Thomas Joseph Baines (@iamtombaines) September 30, 2013

Eugh I hate posh, pony-shagging, Southern accents. Northerners have far more friendly accents #uni — Mimi Bowron (@MimiBowron) April 22, 2013

One of my biggest achievements at uni, is introducing Northerners to Waitrose.

— Flora Louise (@FloraDeshmukh) June 9, 2013

“Midlanders are the best drinkers because they start young and its all they really do with their lives” – best thing I’ve heard in ages

— Stefanie Groves (@Stef_Groves) October 19, 2013