Bakery or Market Bar?

The biggest decision you will ever make on a Tuesday is which club to go to. Fuck Hip Hop at Market Bar offers a cosy dance floor to cut shapes to old school tunes, whilst Bakery at The Lacehouse provides some progressive house. But the question we all ask ourselves is which is the better club?

By examining all of the most important criteria, we’ve helped you make your decision.

Best place for toilet selfies: Bakery

Bakery’s big mirror in the toilet ensures your selfies can be full of as many people as possible, so you obviously end up looking really popular and cool.  

The Bakery – spacious

Market Bar – tight squeeze

Best place to cry: Market Bar

We found that crying at Market Bar was an intense activity. However, there was enough space and tissue for plenty of people to get involved.

Perfect for crying in groups

Where should you cloakroom?: Market Bar

The sun may be shining, but it’s still quite cold, so you will probably need to put your coat in the cloakroom. The man in the Bakery cloakroom has a laptop so you may naturally assume this makes the Lacehouse better. However, in Market Bar we met ‘Damian the pro coat hanger’, whose rustic look means you know you can trust him with your jacket, and probably your life.

Technologically advanced cloakroom

Damian the pro coat hanger

Staff: Bakery

No-one can deny the friendliness and cool nature of Market Bar bouncers, yet Bakery workers are the kind of people who you have probably seen strutting their stuff around campus, high-fiving BNOCs. They walk around with an infinite amount of confidence and they told us that they are ‘more handsome than those at Market Bar, or any other club in fact.’

Hipsters: Bakery

Before Bakery was launched, Market Bar was the place where hipsters would crawl to on a Tuesday night. But if you are too thrifty, super alternative and undeniably non-mainstream, Bakery’s house scene is now the place to go.

Many an edge

Better drinks service: Market Bar

We found that waiting for a drink in Bakery ended up being a tedious affair. It made us exhausted and slightly sober, so the need for more alcohol became even more important. However, the queue in Market Bar was quick and painless.

Still waiting…

Toilet queue: Market Bar

After having to wait ages for a drink, it didn’t help that the toilet queue was so long in the Lacehouse. We just had to put on a brave face. In Market Bar, though, there was no queue!

Furious

Better smoking area: Bakery

Market Bar’s cosy smoking area was great for a quick little cigarette but Bakery’s chilled smoking area means there is a seriously relaxed atmosphere. It is the perfect place to strike a conversation with a fellow smoker, ask for a cigarette from someone else or, alternatively, share with a stranger.

Not as relaxed in Market Bar

White girl slut drop: Market Bar

We found that Bakery had enough space for a good ol’ slut drop, but in Market Bar it seemed as though a new dance craze was forming. Check out these Market Bar-goers who had a very interesting spin on the classic move.

Enjoying yourselves?

Clubbing royalty: Bakery

It seems to be that every other person was claiming to be the king of somewhere. In Market Bar we came across the alleged king of Broadgate Park, who claimed his followers call him ‘Paddy’ and questioned why we had not ‘bowed down to him’.

However in Bakery we bumped into Josh North, the self-proclaimed king of Derby halls. Mr North’s arrogance, haughty nature and female fan base made us conclude that greater royalty was to be found in Bakery.

The king

Other…

We also found out that Bakery workers like to hang out at Market Bar on their days off…

Spotted

…and that there seemed to be more people on the pull in Market Bar.