The Layman’s Guide to Torpids

Rowing can be a bit hard to get your head round with all the catching crabs, 2k scores and whingeing about blistered hands. That’s why The Tab’s bringing you this guide to answer all those niggling questions and tempt you down to the river.

In a word: Carnage. And lots of it.

Torpids throws novice crews, coaches and coxes in straight at the deep end (sometimes literally). Get down for the early divisions to see snapped boats, broken blades and even the occasional cold swim.

If you’re not a rowing nut, it’s probably worth skipping the first 45 seconds of this one.

The last time people raced on the Isis this happened…

Torpids is a bumps race, similar to Summer Eights. Both events are held over four days with boats lining up one and a half lengths apart then rowing down the course. Each division races once on each day.

Torpids is held between Wednesday and Saturday of 7th week in Hilary.

The aim is to ‘bump’ the boat in front. A bump is exactly what it sounds like – your boat has to hit the other one. If you manage that then you swap starting positions with the boat you bumped the next morning and you have moved one place up the river.

Only a handful of boats even have the possibility of winning Torpids at the start of the event – everybody else is after blades which are awarded for bumping on every day. These cost the winners a couple of hundred pounds but give them a priceless lifetime of gloating and the joy of seeing their names added to the roll call of greatness in their college bar/dining hall/boathouse.

You can find the start order and division times for Wednesday here and for your pick of the other days here. The first race of the day starts at 1200 and the last at 1700.

Your college boathouse is often the best place; whilst Torpids generates a lot less interest than Summer Eights there are still some barbecues and cake stalls going on. Near the start lines (which can be seen from the top of Donnington Bridge) is worth a go but the best place for carnage is the middle of the gut (ask your rowing friends where that is or it’s roughly in the middle of this map).

This narrow, twisting section of the river generates a lot of rough water and it’s really hard to get out of the way if you get bumped.

So there you have it, Torpids. Well worth taking a few hours out of the library. Are you a ‘proper’ rower and feel patronised? Good. This isn’t for you. Here’s talkrowing, it might even give your mates a rest from race chat.