Slow Day at the Races

Older than some colleges (we’re looking at you, St Catz), Oxford’s tortoise population are the unsung BNOCs of the university, hibernating through the winter months to emerge, streamlined and limber, for the annual Corpus Christi tortoise race. 

Dating back to the 70s, the archaic tradition invites college rivals to take it out on the playing fields of Corpus quad in a thrilling but albeit rather slow race for lettuce. Food, Pimm’s and uh…sumo wrestling were also on offer to tickle the tortoise fanatic’s fancy.

Before the race kicked off, The Tab spoke to the owner of Univ College’s Percy, a tortoise who really managed to pull in the crowds.

We asked what exactly gave Percy the edge over the competition. “Youth, beauty and sexual frustration” responded his owner – despite Percy remaining stagnant at the start line.

Magdalen’s controversial entrant to the race, a human tortoise, was given a handicap of an entire iceberg lettuce to consume before he was allowed to start, which proved fatal.

At 3pm a huge spectator ring formed around the racetrack. First, the tortoises were presented, Hunger Games style, to the backdrop of some rather relaxing classical music – hardly Chariots of Fire, but each to their own!

Initially been told to expect an intense 20 minute long battle, spectators were aghast as the winner broke through in a mere 40 seconds. Congratulations to Bishop Foxe of Corpus Christi, with Zoom from Worcester coming in 2nd place and Regent’s Park’s Emmanuelle in 3rd.