Lying About Going To Oxford? As If A UEA Grad Could Pull That Off

I’m going to say it clearly: you fought the good fight, old boy. If you can’t win, then cheat (as Papa used to say) and with a degree from somewhere like East Anglia, even with the tenacity of one of my bloodhounds, you were never going to win.

Your mistake wasn’t in your decision to lie though, that much is obviously necessary with a background like yours. The issue was with your execution.

Any first-year from a real public school (not one of these nouveau 19th Century ones) can tell you that when you’re confronted with evidence that you told a porky, you just keep on going!

Eurgh: UEA campus

If I’d just admitted to what happened whenever asked, I never would have gotten away with debagging that poor chap back in school, and my Housemaster would have given me a right kicking.

Equally, Radley isn’t even a real school! The buildings are made of red brick for goodness’ sake! If you’re going to lie, pick somewhere with character, like Harrow or Winchester.

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Finally, I’ll accept your reluctant concession that my education is truly worth lying for. Not just that, but apparently you can walk straight into a job, just by saying that you came from a school as downright modern as Radley.

Which is of course what I was going to do anyway, seeing as there’s that place at the family company all ready and waiting for me.

At the end of the day Dennis, it isn’t really your fault; you were doomed from the start.

If you were good enough to pretend to have gone to Oxford, then you would have ended up here anyway.

After all, there’s a reason we stay at the top.