Let’s give Valentine’s Day another chance

Whether you’re spending the day with a loved one or sitting alone eating Ben and Jerrys straight out of the tub, here’s why you should learn to love Valentine’s day

11 years ago

Opinion

It’s really easy to hate the idea of Valentine’s Day. Especially as a singleton the first fortnight of February can feel a lot like a dwarf wandering through a theme park – there’s other people enjoying themselves but you must be THIS tall to ride (pun intended).

And as for the massive profusion of red hearts and roses? It’s definitely not for the faint-hearted. But to be honest, whether you’re resigned to a life with a dozen cats, or you’ve been dating the same girl since you were fifteen (you monogamous rascal) I don’t think there are many annual events which offer so much licence to behave like a tool and get away with it.

The perfect excuse to act like a sentimental prick.

You either love or hate Valentine’s Day. Which is to say you’re either single or taken on Valentine’s Day. Those in relationships, you don’t need me telling you the reasons to be cheerful come the 14^th of February – you finally have the excuse you’ve always been waiting for to buy that special someone a TEN FOOT TALL TEDDY BEAR WITH HEARTS FOR EYES which standard relationship practice said wasn’t a good idea. Flowers? Chocolate? Bizarre and questionably legal sex requests? It’s all fair game. Or, you can take this one golden chance to exorcise all the terrible over-attached demons that you spend the other 364 days of the year suppressing – and you’re still totally in there at the end of the day.

ISN’T THIS THE BEST PRESENT EVER!!

Single people? Well, for you lot the fun is a bit more subtle. For one thing you can enjoy watching all of your smug, happily attached friends committing all sorts of crimes against good taste while they croon over the “honestly totally wonderful” selection of Marks & Spencer reduced chocolate truffles & petrol-station roses and thank God you’ll never be like that (until you totally are). Also, when else are you EVER going to find a socially acceptable excuse to eat an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream with a spoon, while ploughing through your Scrubs box-set (Valentine’s Day 2013 – I regret nothing)?

And, if you’re utterly desperate to find yourself some self-destructive Afternoon Delight, there are 15 million other single people on this island, many of whom are just as keen for some of the good stuff as you are. Why not get utterly trashed and get with someone you’ll definitely regret later?

Sorry, reduced chocolate prices? No, haven’t heard about it.

Still not convinced? Whether the day goes well or badly, you’re single or taken, everyone is equally entitled to the massive sale on Valentine’s Day chocolate that starts on the 15^th of February. Stock up for the nuclear winter with ninety tons of praline-coated raspberry delights while you still can!