Collections exams will be added at the end of terms as well as the start

An email has been leaked from an academic administrator confirming that Collections are to take place at the end as well as the beginning of every term. This is an attempt to avoid academic deceleration and lack of focus approaching Eighth Week.

If three sets of exams per year weren’t enough, with the added pressure of Pre-lims or Mods, these extra assessments are said to have the same format as the current Collections students are accustomed to, and will recap the material previously learned. 

Here is the email, leaked first thing yesterday morning from a source’s iPhone, and sent originally by an ex-tutor who is now in charge of academic administration:

Whoever rolled up to a tute directly from a night out, I salute you. 

Further investigation shows they will take place on the final Thursday afternoon and Friday morning of Eighth Week, and will require gowns like regular Collections.

A tutor, who wishes to remain anonymous, has commented: “The general feeling is that they will benefit students’ academic progress. They will also equip students better for the pressure of real-life jobs and curb alcohol binges at the end of each term.”

Giles Anderson, a third year student of Geography, has said, “This is a joke. By the end of term, everyone is completely tired out and has had enough. I think the Uni will regret this”.

The name of these exams is currently undecided, but ‘Collections’ has been ruled out in order to avoid confusion. Suggestions put forward so far include ‘Distributions’ and ‘Post-Terms’.

Check the date, you April Fool!