How to procrastinate effectively this May

Baking/cooking

It’s widely known that in order to really get those brain cells going, you’re going to have to treat your body right. This means reaching for crisps rather than grapes (sigh).

Take it a step further and refuse to pollute your body with anything that’s not organic or home baked. You can waste time by insisting all your ingredients have to come from the local farmers’ market and when you return home you’ll be able to bake your own (wholemeal and gluten free) bread.

Keep everyone updated on how well you treat your body now with a series of inane Snapchats/Instagrams. #fitspiration

Force your new lifestyle onto your friends via social media

New fitness routine

After months of abusing your body during lectures, you’ve realised the error of your ways. Why had you never thought of aerial yoga before this? Clearly after not touching your toes for a year this is a natural progression.

Maybe, you think, this degree was wrong for you the whole time. Perhaps you’re destined to help others find their inner-peace (and how short their hamstrings are) and become a yoga instructor instead.

Also, don’t forget your new hardcore workout routine is going to need a carefully constructed playlist. It’ll probably take hours to perfect, so best set aside a whole afternoon for that alone.

And that’s the sound of ripping tendons

Declutter/clean

A tidy desk equals a tidy mind. The same goes for an organised CD rack, desktop, bathroom, car glove compartment, family photo album, spice rack, filing system, bookshelf, cutlery drawer and medicine cabinet. The list goes on and on.

Note: can you tell this one is my fave?

Volunteer for all chores ever

Only for the very desperate – once housemates/family members get used to a full time slave, they won’t understand when you decide enough is enough and you can’t hack the unpaid labour anymore.

I once volunteered to steam the curtains. I’m not proud.

Buy a house plant

And then agonise over what your house plant says about you – too many flowers and you’ll seem away with the fairies, too many spikes and you’ll seem aloof. It’s a big decision, so don’t take it lightly.

Another reason why this is a great thing to do is you’ll finally know how close to being an adult you are (or aren’t). If you can look after another living thing, you’re definitely going to be okay later on in life without a degree.

A DIY houseplant by yours truly – it requires minimal upkeep

Buy unnecessary expensive appliances

Generally this applies to kitchen appliances, but feel free to purchase something for any part of your house.

Even if we don’t use it, it’s a majestic kitchen appliance

The soup maker was totally worth it guys, we use it about twice a year and soup really help me focus, something about the nutrients helping my brain function to the best of its potential.

Update all software

Mainly applicable to Mac users (sorry).

Can’t ignore any longer that irritating “1” symbol flashing red like some kind of satanic siren? Update it. You can’t possibly work now, they’ve made you close all windows and restart. Don’t feel bad though. You’re investing in your future so it’s really important you get those updated fonts.

YouTube Tutorials

Disappear into the dark hole that is YouTube. You might not need to know how to perfectly pack all your clothes within your shoes if you only have a tiny suitcase (you’re not going on holiday for a few months, and when you do you have a huge baggage allowance) but you never know. These things could be important and/or lifesaving.