You’re a terrible person if you still indirect tweet

Indirect tweeting is an unavoidable phenomenon, and if you think you haven’t encountered it already, chances are you’re doing it. So read closely.

You’re probably under the impression that your overdramatic, indirect statements are mysterious and interesting. You sit at your laptop waiting for the messages of support and curiosity to flood in from your followers. They don’t.

Why? Because indirect tweets are something which should have been left in high school. They’re the epitome of meek, attention seeking, and passive aggressive.

If you’ve got something to say about someone or something, grow up and say it properly.

Tell them 

Who ever asked to be bombarded with tweets about your break up, your annoying friend who won’t text you back, or the bitch in your friendship group you secretly hate?

Ring your mates, start a diary, tell it to your pet. But please, de-clog everyone else’s timelines.

You’d think that people would be embarrassed to tell the entirety of the world wide web their deepest emotions, but no. The indirect tweeters have got their art down to a tee.

They write with just enough sass to ensure their mystery recipient gets the message, but with just enough ambiguity to deny it if they’re ever called out on it.

Prime examples of this technique include “You’re a dick” and “Just give up:(“. In theory it could be about anybody at all, but we all know the carefully constructed and wonderfully illusive dig is directed straight at your ex.

Subtle

If at all possible, there is only one cyber-sin worse than the indirect tweet, and that is the indirect retweet. Taking it to a whole new level of unacceptable, the perpetrators believe they can share even cringier things than they would write themselves.

Often from accounts named ‘@GirlStruggles’ or something of the like, the tweets are painfully generic and sickeningly soppy. Retweeters plaster it on their timelines in a desperate attempt to gain the attention of the guy who still doesn’t care.

Classic indirect retweet

The horny indirect retweet is quite possibly the worst of its kind. Why you would want to tell your friends, followers and long lost cousins your sexual preferences is an absolute mystery to many, but there are always a few of the most socially inept that do.

If you even follow @hornyfacts, or anything even slightly similar you should hang you head in shame. If you’ve ever considered retweeting them, you should probably disconnect your wifi for the foreseeable future. 

Please hand me a sick bucket

Has any self respecting individual ever scrolled through Twitter, seen somebody retweet about their love for “neck kissing” and thought “wow, get me their number”?

They probably read it and laughed tirelessly at your display of desperation.

Granted there’s a pitiful point in almost everybody’s teenage years where they become an annoying, moaning, emotional mess, and we’ve probably all been guilty of an indirect in the past.

The point is, it’s notr acceptable. At this age we all should have left the days of showing off and bitching on our keyboards behind us.

Whether you indirect tweet because you’re horny, lonely, desperate or friendless, this is a plea for you to give the rest of us Twitter users a break. Leave your attention seeking in school, where it firmly belongs.