A critic’s guide to the chairs of The Diamond

Finding a seat in The Diamond alone is a challenge, but an even greater task is selecting the prime place to perch your derriere.

The Diamond may be regarded as mediochre overall, but don’t slander their wealth of choice when it comes to comfort: the new learning space has not held back when it came to splashing the cash on their catalogue of couches. Here’s our guide to selecting the perfect seat.

The basic comfy chair

A classic

This no nonsense common-all-Diamond chair is a staple in The Diamond’s repertoire. Akin to an egg and cress sandwich in Sainsbury’s selection of sarnies, this is a staple which nobody really seeks out specifically, but it is a must in the selection. Let the curvature of the chair sooth your weary bones after hours searching for a chair or climbing the endless spiral stairs. The curve and spinning factor really allow for a satisfactory recline as you procrastinate, and being the heaviest chair in existence, there is no need to worry about toppling.

This chair is an essential, but nothing to write home about. 5/10 would sit.

The corner sofa

Pure, unadulterated comfort

Everybody knows the corner sofa is the bastion of any chic yet functional living room. But how does such a luxurious item of furniture fit into a library space? In exactly the same way: perfectly. The corner sofas in The Diamond are so comfortable you’re in danger of forgetting where you actually are, and just sinking into total relaxation mode. For some this is ideal for procrastination, but is dangerous if you have any intention of actually working today. The only way The Diamond could top this level of satisfaction would be by replacing all the chairs with hammocks, and all the labs with nap rooms.

The toadstool

You will look like a gnome on this stool

As one of the lesser options in this definitive guide, we recommend you stay firmly away from the toadstool. With a satisfying aesthetic, being compact and adorable one may be attracted to it. But with a 0/10 for comfort this perchable stump is suitable for nothing. No back rest. No ability to recline. Simply embarrassment that you picked such a ludicrous bottom cupper, plus you will look like a gnome perched on a toadstool. These are a perch and go chair of choice. No work to be done here, they are the drive thru of the chair world.

The Bond Villain chair

It’s really difficult to get a cat to sit still for a photo ok?

Make no bones about it – you will never forget the first time you set your eyes upon this decadent and dominating chair. In fact, chair doesn’t do this level of power justice. This is a throne. And this throne exudes an aura of power about anybody who sits in it. Dotted about the first floor of The Diamond, these chairs are simply the height of extravagance. Shaped like some sort of wingèd creature created solely to ensure your comfort, it is impossible to take this seat and not immediately start to feel like the bad guy from a Hollywood movie, with henchmen on either side and a cat in your lap. And if that doesn’t sound like an ideal chair, nothing does.

The office chair with pointless wheels

Feel the wind through your hair

The most whimsical seating option in The Diamond comes in the form of the office chairs. Seemingly just a regular chair which you might find in a school or meeting room, you’ll soon notice these potentially mundane but practical seats have one key modification: wheels. For some reason, almost every basic chair in The Diamond follows this pattern, and it isn’t a bad thing. Not only are these chairs super useful for moving around your group-work table without the hassle of standing up and actually walking, but they also serve as a way of procrastination by racing around on them. It’s only a matter of time before the inaugural Diamond Olympics 100m Wheely Chair Sprint.

The spiral staircase

Fuckin reppin

A Diamond related review would not be complete without mention of the infamous spiral staircase. If you feel like adding more obnoxious fuel to the already obnoxious fire that is the stairs, then plonk your behind right here. You may seek the thrill of pissing off roughly 200 people in one fell swoop by lurking here between lectures, but not on our watch. With neither comfort nor scenic views on this spot’s side, the only pro is the knowledge you’ve made the mid-lecture rush hour that little bit worse for everyone. Sit here at the risk of being lynched by many pissed off stair users.

The desk armchair

Wondering how tf Chuck Bass can possibly look that good

Let’s be clear about this: there is no way to experience the true comfort and utility of this chair without experiencing it for yourself. It might not look like much, but this armchair with desk attachment is literally the perfect all-day sesh seat. The comfort of the extra-spacious chair combines splendidly with the practicality of the desk, the mini bookshelf, and even a plug socket to create the ultimate seating experience. Presumably an attempt at providing useful and convenient seating for hard-working students, what The Diamond really has here is much more than that. This is the perfect place to waste away your day in the library watching Gossip Girl (again) and generally chillaxing. Euphoric.