Why on earth is the Coca-Cola truck not coming to Sheffield on its tour?

We want our festive cheer


So apparently holidays aren’t fucking coming this year.

In a horrifying turn of events, the Coca-Cola truck will not be visiting Sheffield on its grand tour of the UK this festive season. Just as you thought 2016 was already as bleak as it was going to get.

If ‘Christmas is the season for giving’ then why on earth are we not being included in this festive tour? As per usual poor Sheffield has been overlooked for other Yorkshire locations including Doncaster and Leeds – why is it always us? Are we not valued as a key Yorkshire player?

Even Wrexham, Cleethorpes and Baldock (wherever they are) are being given this privilege but not Sheffield. We want answers.

You won’t be able to take pics like these

We want the magic of Christmas spread to the Steel City – what did we do wrong? Does this mean we’re on the naughty list?

Whilst 44 other locations will be revealing in the Christmas spirit and frolicking in festivities we will be left with nothing but our shitty Christmas market. ‘Tis the fucking season.

There’s only one logical solution. If Coca-Cola don’t want us, then we don’t want them. Let’s have a city wide boycott of Coke and see how they like it. Think how many vodka cokes are sold on Saturday night in Code, even those sales stopping alone would get the attention of the coke bigwigs. Predrinks, library fuell, clubbing – Coca Cola is off the menu, am I right?

No longer will the iconic song ‘Holidays are coming’ trigger pure unadulterated excitement, but will leave a bad taste in all Sheffield dwellers’ mouths. Sour is an understatement.