What your squad’s summer holiday destination says about you

It’s that time of the year when people are beginning on the long, winding road to exam meltdowns, deadline stress and flu-like symptoms. It’s sunny, but not quite warm outside, and you’re desperate for something to look forward to in these dark times.

Cue searching “onthebeach.com” until two in the morning, browsing Instagram’s “Beautiful Destinations” page and searching ASOS for bikinis and denim shorts.

But every destination is different, and we have it down to a tee exactly what your summer holiday destination says about you.

Amsterdam

Whilst you may tell your parents that you’re going to go and visit the Rijksmuseum and have bought tickets three months in advance to go and look at Anne Frank’s House, we all know the real reason you’re going.

Just thinking about deep shit, bro

That’s right – for the sweet, sweet kush. You probably go to Tuesday Club every week, and cried uncontrollably when you heard that Night Kitchen was closing down. You buy all your clothes from Mooch Vintage in town, and often have that musty smell you can only seem to get on vintage Adidas coats. Your gang tried making space cakes in Endcliffe, but failed miserably and just made the flat smell like a Goan beach bar.

Magaluf

You never got the chance to go with your mates from high school, but everyone told you in first year how sick BCM is, so you drag the gang over to Maga for a week of chaos. Your favourite Sheffield club is probably Code and your mates quite fancy themselves as being a bit like Scotty T off Geordie Shore (read: tragic). You wear string vests, snapbacks and flip-flops and your squad’s drink is a VK. You’ll come home dangerously dehydrated and with a shit tattoo which you got when you were drunk.

Budapest

You probably told the team “I have, like, zero pounds, so the cheaper the better”, and they’ve found a cheap flight and hostel to Hungary’s capital city of Budapest. You’d only previously heard of it thanks to George Ezra’s banger of a song from 2014, but you go along with it. You love a good swimming pool, so go to one of the baths, but you also love carnage, so get a beer bike there. You’re probably interested in culture, but equally interested in getting a great Instagram too, so head to one of the ruin bars for an edgy pic of the squad, as well as the Fisherman’s Bastion for a great pic for your nan to see.

“My house in Budapest, My hidden treasure chest”

South East Asia

You’ve probably just finished your History of Art degree, and mummy and daddy think some time away would do you the world of good in order to get in touch with the “real world” and “find yourself”. You buy yourself a pair of patterned harem pants, and set off with your best gal pal to Khoa San Road in Bangkok. Here, you’ll probably meet some high as a kite Australian who “just loves your British accent”, and you spend the rest of the time in a weed produced haze.  You’ll be blonde, tanned and enviably slim, but decide the importance to “just, like, reconnect with mother nature” and turn yourself into a hemp wearing, weed smoking, dreadlock growing pretentious nightmare by the time you go diving in Koh Tao. You’ll definitely be wearing a “Tubing in the Vang Vieng” top for the flight home.

You’ll deffo Instagram this image

Marbella

Let me guess. You spend all your spare time at Goodwin, your fave place is Viper Rooms on Carver Street and you’re either from Cheshire or Essex. It will be a mixed group of around five boys and five girls, and there’s major drama in your group because you’ve all either slept with each other or secretly fancy each other. You all spend fortunes on your glam clothes, but then again, you can afford it as you don’t buy carbs. Your group’s signature drink is prosecco and you’re all praying that MTV will scout you to have your own TV show.

Dublin

You guys are mental. You had an absolute blast on St Paddy’s day at the marquee on Devonshire Green so  you’ve booked the cheapest Ryanair flight you could find to the capital of the Republic of Ireland. One of you has probably found out that you have a distant Irish relative, and won’t stop banging on about it. He insists his favourite drink is Guinness (even though he winces at every sip) and develops an Irish accent whilst he’s there. You’ll also have another friend who won’t be able to believe how expensive it is and after every pint goes “£5.50?! Bloody hell.” You’ll all get absolutely wasted on the Guinness tour and won’t remember the flight home.

Still don’t believe you love Guinness…