A scientific explanation of what we think is in a Corp pint

Corp’s rainbow pints are a Sheffield institution. Steel? Nothing on blue pints. Arctic Monkeys? Never seen them drink a blue pint. Leadmill? They don’t sell blue pints. Fuck ‘em.

For those who don't know what a Corp rainbow pint is, a) lucky you, and b) they're essentially pure alcohol. No one knows what goes in them, and when you drink one you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of problems, predominantly involving slippy stairs.

So went straight to the source of the blue pint, the origin of the species, the fountain of youth, and we messaged Corp, asking them for a bit of background on the blue pint and how such an icon came to exist. In short, we wanted to know what's in their drinks.

Yet, like trying to walk up the hill to Crookes, we faltered. “Everything surrounding our coloured pints is top secret I’m afraid”, they said. “If we told you, we’d have to kill you”, they also said, for some reason.

This is how Corp ended our conversation, and apparently our relationship too: "We love you, but love can hurt at times."

Alas, something like this wouldn’t stop Louis Theroux, for instance in ‘My Scientology Movie’ when he can't interview the Scientologists, so he just makes up a scenario instead.

So that's what we shall do, and without any more hesitation, here’s what we think goes into each Corp rainbow pint.

The Blue Pint

Take some vodka, Blue WKD, regret, more regret, a whole lot more regret and give them a good stir. This will bring out the full regret taste. Essentially this is 99 parts regret: one part alcohol. Get the mix right and you'll have whole lot more regret on your hands.

The Red Pint

A simple mix of vodka and blood from the knees of another poor soul who has fallen down Corp stairs.

The Purple Pint

Another nice and simple one, take a mixture of blue and red pints and add a dash of shame. Add ice and shake it all up, pour into a plastic cup, sprinkle a garnish of heartbreak on top, and voila – a purple pint.

The White Pint

God knows what goes in this one. Lemonade? Vodka? Why is it so cloudy? How does it taste so good?

It's essentially a pint of vodka and lemonade. That's what they're selling, a pint of vodka and lemonade. Serve it in a mug and you're basically at pre-drinks again.

The Green Pint

An unknown substance that allows the drinker to lose their mates, get lost in the upper floors, and eventually end up in the smoking area talking to strangers, regardless of how it may make them look. Drinkers prone to ask things like "Does any of you have a lighter?" or "If I give you 50p can I have a fag?" Avoid.

The Pink Pint

Vodka and love. Nothing bad to say about the pink pint, the pink pint is better than us all. We don't deserve the pink pint. Long live the pink pint.

The Orange Pint

This just screams E-numbers doesn't it? What even is that? How is it so luminous? Honestly, I wish they’d just told me what goes in their pints.