There’s no place on earth like Applejax in Chorley

If you’ve been following The Tab’s recent coverage of the UK’s most tragic regional nightclubs, you might have noticed that 783 people said that Applejax, Chorley’s most famous landmark, should be crowned the most tragic of them all. But really, what would Chorley be without AJs? Just imagine it. You can’t – because it’s a special place for so many reasons.

Ending up there is inevitable

There’s not much happening in Chorley. And for that reason every night out looks the same. It goes: Henry Tate, Imperial, The Rose and Crown, The White Hart (probably in that order) and then AJs with the boys, obviously. The crowd descends no earlier than 1am and one by one begrudgingly hand over their hard earned six British pounds. You could have got in for £3 before 12am – but no one ever does because at that time you had absolutely no intention of going.

Our blue beacon of hope

Everything is blue and no one knows why

The carpets, the bar, walls, the exterior, leather sofas, the ceiling – everything.

The three poles

Unfortunately it’s mainly stiff blokes in short sleeve shirts trying to impress each other. They’re waiting for the girls in shorts skirts to arrive but they never come.

The layout makes no sense

There are stairs everywhere but they take you no where interesting. Or into the “Attic” (that small room on third floor) and straight into a crowd of shufflers. Why is there a random podium just above the dancefloor? What’s on the top floor? Why is there scaffolding everywhere? And what’s with all the mirrors?

The type of people you find on the podium

Everyone goes

Literally everyone. Even your teachers and your auntie Jackie.

But that means you bump into everyone you don’t really want to see

Knowing everyone in a club comes with some downsides: you’re always going to see someone you’d rather not. In this case it’ll be someone you really didn’t like from school. And in Chorley, there’s no such thing as being civil.

The tunes are strictly chart bangers

DJ Daz knows all the anthems. And when they come on people will literally shout “tune”. This song plays a lot:

People can’t be trusted to drink out of glass 

By the time you’ve made it to AJs you’re so smashed it’s only fair that you drink your blue VK out of a plastic cup. It’s for the best. This is Chorley after all – it’s not a night out unless you’ve got yourself into a fight.

It’s an institution

Chorley nightclubs come and go, but Applejax really has stood the test of time. 28 years to be precise. Your mum used to go, so did your gran, and they’re still banging on about how much of laugh they used to have with Andrea and the girls. Say what you want about AJs, but Lancashire’s clubbing scene would be nothing without it.