Swadlincote: The best dive of a hometown there is

Derbyshire is quite a beautiful place, I have to admit. There’s a lot of fields, woodland areas, scenic views and not forgetting the Peak District. It’s just the one area, surrounded by pretty villages, that shall we say throws in a bit of an urban twist into this country life county. This is of course Swadlincote.

I have lived here for most of my life, and I have to say I didn’t take much of a shine to it before I left for university. Swadlincote is made up of council estates which are littered with beer cans and used nappies and there’s always that faint smell of weed and urine. The whole town just has a constantly depressing vibe and pretty much everyone who lives here complains about how shit it is and dreams of moving far, far away.

There was nothing fun to do there as a kid, apart from going to the ski slope and a small cinema. I have never been on the ski slope before but it was never in my interest to go anyway, so I had to make do with skiing (falling) down Clay Mountain. This is a big mound of clay that was left over from an abandoned pottery place that kids used to climb up and slide down for fun. I went up there once and had to walk home with clay all over my jeans and bits of nettles in my arms. Or you could grab a few friends and head off to Foremark Reservoir and go paddling in the murky waters, stabbing your feet with sharp stones and bits of rubbish. My own personal source of entertainment nowadays is drinking wine with my cat which I think beats everything you can do in Swadlincote.

If getting muddy wasn’t your idea of fun, you could always go over to one of the few parks Swadlincote has to offer and hang out with some questionable characters. These guys enjoy hanging around the swing sets, wearing their Adidas tracksuits whilst yelling drunken inaudible slurs. If you wish to make friends with these people, you could bring along a bottle of Frosty Jacks as an offering, which you can find in one of the many bargain booze shops.

Shopping wise there aren’t many places to go, unless you are a fan of charity and discount food shops. Whenever us Swaddies have to go shopping we usually choose to get the bus into Burton or Derby because they have more than one clothes shop. Although what they lack in shopping options, they make up for it for drinking. One thing that never fails me is the pub. And there’s a few in Swadlincote. Cheap drinks, friendly people, what’s not to love?

I think it’s the people in this town that make it an actually kind of decent place. People are pretty friendly and generally happy. We don’t have fancy houses, or theme parks, or many notable attractions, but everyone smiles and exchange greetings of “aye up” whenever we pass each other on a walk through the woodlands.

But for some strange reason it’s what’s bad about this town is what makes it good. Without all the crappy parts, it just wouldn’t really be anything. If this town wasn’t shit, it wouldn’t be home.