Is Brighton not good enough for the Coca-Cola truck?

The most magical times of the year is just around the corner and the Coca-Cola truck is gearing up for its annual tour around the country. The cities and dates have now been released and we can’t help but notice a big Brighton shaped hole in the list.

Residents of Brighton have been waiting three years for the return of the Coca-Cola truck and the list of this year’s cities is almost mocking the fact we’re not getting visited. It’s like a gaping open wound that Coca-Cola have tried to patch up with pathetic plasters in the form of places like Scarborough and Welwyn Garden City. Even Cleethorpes, a place so irrelevant that my spell checker is putting a red line under it, is being visited. Where the fuck is Cleethorpes?

What has Brighton done to deserve this shunning? Are we not worthy? Brighton is thriving and diverse. It seems like a very obvious choice of a place to visit on such a tour. It’s a family populated town and a hub for social activities. There is absolutely no doubt that the populous of Brighton and beyond would come out in force to indulge in the joy of the holiday seasons. It seems as though the organisers of the tour live underneath a rock and emerge once a year to point at random places on a map and hope for the best.

What’s more, Coca-Cola owes this to us students. Imagine the amount of money they make off of our 50/50 pre drink vodka cokes and our hungover Powerades. But alas, we’ve been snubbed.

Please love us back

The biggest insult of all is that Eastbourne is on the route for the fourth year in a row. Everyone knows that Brighton is East Sussex’s wonder child and Eastbourne is the one that is a bit slow and the parents kind of regret. I really sincerely hope all the OAP’s that hobble through Eastbourne are happy that their town has robbed the magic of Christmas from the roads of Brighton.

Coca-Cola, we implore you, use your brains and come to Brighton. We will brave the cold and welcome you with open arms and all the Christmas cheer in the world in a way that nowhere other than Brighton ever could or will.