If you don’t play sport, why are you out on a Wednesday?

Granted it is a bit cringe worthy when people say this, but its something that separates the athletes from everyone else. Nothing else quite brings people together like our love of sport, and at university, Wednesdays are no different.

Regardless of what sport it is or whether you’re male or female, Wednesday is the highlight of your week, and whether you got three points, one or zero you’ll be making a drunken pilgrimage into town. You’ve trained hard, travelled to some arse pit middle of nowhere and put your blood sweat and tears into the match and now here is your reward.

But if you don’t play sport, why do you bother coming out on a Wednesday? You’re just spoiling our fun.

Why are you here?

Wednesdays have their own ritual, their own routine. Away days have their perks like the party bus back, which isn’t quite as glamorous as it sounds. It is just drinking cheap wine, chanting and pissing into water bottles on a shitty hire coach. Home matches are ideal. You can get into your fancy dress and have lots of time for pre drinking, and who knows maybe even a person or two will watch the match.

As a character from Mean Girls once said, “She doesn’t even go here.” This seems pretty apt. Whilst yes you do go to the university you’re not part of the sporting life. It’s obvious why you want to go out on a Wednesday alongside the sporting elite, because everyone gets trashed, and that makes it easier for a cheeky snog.

But you have the rest of the week to go out, there are student nights pretty much every night so please stop coming out on a Wednesday. You’re easy to spot a mile off, huddling in small groups of three or four looking a bit lost in regular clothes, hoping nobody will ask if you won today or not.

Wednesdays done right

Before you think you have gotten away with it, I haven’t forgotten about the college sports crew. College sport isn’t really a thing, it is just for the distinctly mediocre people who aren’t good enough to get into the plethora of uni teams for their chosen sport. You should also stay at home on a Wednesday and carry on your Football Manager career with West Brom.