It’s Funny Because It’s Facebook

We all spend way too long on it so let’s at least make sure we’re getting some quality for our effort (it’s not about quantity remember?). Here’s a collection of the best, the most bizarre and the downright brilliant groups that are right there within reach of your very own extra-special Facebook page:

Group: ‘You Know You Have Lived In England When…’

Created by a distinctly Spanish sounding genius, this little hilarity includes such gems as:

– Theres [sic] somethin [sic] called mushy peas, looks like shrek shit but tastes lovely.
– You can see three generations gettin [sic] drunk together:granma [sic – OK, you get the point, he can’t spell], daughter, grandaugther, greatgrandaughter…lol
– You know you really got into the culture when you bought your HEAT magazine every week.

The not-very-English-sounding English just makes it better, though if does hinder comprehension at times. Note:

– When at home theres somethin call electric key meter that is like a ‘pay as you go’ mobile and if you run out…you are fucked. Then youll realize how important is to have electricity on the 21st century.(it happened to me a few times and… What are the chances of that happenin when youre on the shower??? very high…)

Er, what?

Group: The Hilarity of Harry Potter Quotes When Changing “wand” to “willy”

186,910 members in this one, clearly the power of the Potter (or the penis, who knows). Maybe it was the kind of thing only your thirteen year-old brother thought was funny but this one actually made me me laugh out loud. And then feel ashamed at my immaturity.

– ‘Come on Harry, whack your willy out.’ said Hermione
– ‘EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his willy tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.
· ‘What’s got your willy in a knot?’

– ‘There was a moment, in the graveyard, where Voldemort’s willy and mine sort of… connected.’

Simple, but effective. Plus, we all knew these books were just oozing with sexual tension, what with all those teenage hormones flying around like invisible snitches.

Group: ‘I-Want-To-Start-A-Facebook-Group-But-Can’t-Think-Of-A-Name’

Some people are idiots.

Group: Estonia Exists, and I know an Estonian

See above.

Group: Nerdy Pick-up Lines

Just to clarify, the tag here is, ‘Common Interest: Sexuality’. And the group has nineteen photos of’hot women on it. Wow, are these some horny nerds…wonder how many Natscis are members of this group? Some of my personal favorites:

– ‘I wish I was your integral so I could be the area under your curves.’
– ‘You’re more special than relativity. =) ‘ And they say geeks have no sense of romance.
– ‘Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?’ Banter.
– ‘You know what they say about men with big hard drives don’t you?’
– ‘You can put a trojan on my hard drive anytime…’

Group: My Phone Got Eaten By A Sheep….I Wish I Was Joking….

More interesting than your average ‘can I have your numbers?’ group. Plus, the group photo is of a sheep. It’s a cute sheep.

Group: I Kissed Charlie Bell and I Liked It…

39 members and counting, busy boy.

Group: When I Was Your Age, Pluto Was A Planet

See? Facebook is informative too.

Group: Because I Read Twilight I Have Unrealistic Expectations Of Men

Guys. This is an important one. Winner of the 2009 Dazzle Award – Best Twilight Group on Facebook (that’s online awards for truly deserving displays of Twilight fandom, apparently. Just in case you didn’t know already.). Since Ms Meyer decided that all a teenage girl wants is her very own vampire to snuggle up with at night we girls have been wanting so much more from our men. Namely – and I quote:

– To be able to protect you from oncoming traffic with only his fist .
– To write a lullaby for you.
– Not be embarrassed that he only dreams about you (if he could dream, that is).
– To be able to read other people’s minds to let you know what is coming.

Wow. My advice? Settle. If this is your Mr Right criteria you’re going to be waiting a while.

Group: Texts From Last Night

Like all the best things in life, this is based on a website. Avoid if you have anything productive to get done in the next few hours, it’s genius. A few of the group’s finest:

– ‘I wish my new phone didn’t autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I’m making a coherent statement.’
– ‘We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrollably. It felt like I was giving head to a ten year old girl.’
– ‘I’m coming over for anal.’

Then later:

*a nap

Group: Overheard at Cambridge

Patriotic and perfect for Camsick nights at home. Also fun for guessing if someone you know is being quoted.

– Clare College Law library: ‘I haven’t really pulled that many fresher guys this term. [10 second pause] Actually that’s not true.’
– ‘Steer towards the water!!’ Punting down the Cam.
– Selwyn Snowball, explaining how to use the vodka luge: ‘Just put your mouth over the hole and when you feel the wet coming, swallow.’
– In the queue for dinner…
Person #1:  ‘I mean, you’d get with someone for a first.’
Person #2:  ‘I’d get with someone for an essay!’
– ‘If you’re not sure whether you should dump him or not, write out pros and cons in a table, weight them, then turn it into a pie chart and it will show you how you rationally feel.’ Geography student on the Downing site.

And there’s plenty more where these came from. Yet more proof that Facebook is filled with some seriously weird people. And that sex jokes never get old.