Best Comments: Week One

People who comment on The Tab are 24% more likely to end up in prison than those who don’t. That isn’t a fact. But in the murky world of our comments pages, facts aren’t the priority. The prority is spreading as much anger and conspiracy as possible. Or making it into our amazing new feature on the week’s best comments. Here they are.

A John’s Ent ended in carnage:

– ‘Is this really newsworthy? A bunch of posh boys and ‘rugger’ players have a too few many soups and get a bit rowdy? Who cares?’

– ‘How about you fuck off you horrible little shit? Just cause you’re not good enough to go to John’s and you can’t drink for shit, you kick off at these people just cause they’re a bit hardcore??? At the end of the day, John’s is the most famous college cause as well as working the hardest, they play the hardest, and if you can’t handle that I suggest you go find someone who cares. Oh wait, no one does, cause you’re a cunt. So fuck off.’

No one at The Tab is quite sure to what ‘soups’ ‘DJ Skeet’ refers, but apparently the ‘posh boys and ‘rugger’ players’ are drowning in them. ‘Gaz the Barman’ own ire at ‘DJ Skeet’s’ renegade inverted commas in suitably moronic fashion, giving fuel to unconfirmed rumours that he might well actually go to John’s.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjWbh4RVtk8

Supermarkliu’s video

Supermarkliu wanted to ‘get to know us facially’: his video, and The Tab’s article on it, divided readers, some of whom decided that The Tab was a moron and the others that The Tab was part of a mass ‘supermarkliu’ conspiracy.

‘Geoff’ said:

– ‘The Tab’s failure to spot this obvious and hilarious joke is embarrassing. Are the Cool Kids who run The Tab so up themselves, so unfamiliar with social awkwardness, so borderline racist, as to think that this is sincere?’

To which ‘Geofffuckwit’ replied:

– ‘Mate did it ever occur to you that perhaps the ‘Cool Kids who run The Tab’ are in on the joke as well? That perhaps they even know who this guy actually is but don’t want to ruin the fun?  Of course, having that opinion doesn’t allow you to feel the warm fuzzy feeling of moral superiority you get by calling The Tab ‘borderline racist’

‘geoff has no matez’ couldn’t hold his tongue:

– ‘wow you are bitter….does not getting the joke make someone an arrogant racist?’

– ‘I heard he is hung like a horse’

– ‘I’ve heard you’re hung like a cunt. So fuck off’

A rather inexplicable chunk of vitriol from ‘Javhardinho’ aimed in ‘KEGSladee’s’ direction on ‘Student Wants Cambridge To Be ‘Tory-Free Zone’’

– ‘Weren’t Jesus 2s playing a Blues player though?’ (‘Homerton’ – a reasonable if loaded comment on ‘Varsity Sevens Kicks Off Rugby Season’)

– ‘Why don’t you shut the fuck up you bastard? (‘Shitbreath’ comes out to play)

– ‘Yeah, fucking prick.’ (‘Pissbreath’ joins him, with his own redundant endorsement)

– ‘Did it ever occur to you that it’s not the length of the article that puts people off, but the rubbishness’

‘Just wondering’ – a wordsmith for our times, comments on Robert Smith’s opinion piece, ‘Don’t Cut Me Short’. Point of information: when trying to make an incisive point, it’s best to use words that actually exist lest you somewhat diminish the potency of your own argument.

– ‘this is trash. find a new word for bloody’ (‘selwyngirl’)

– ‘Stale, even for Selwyn. Chin up, at least you have the May Ball to look forward to…oh wait!’ (‘Notfromselwyn)

– ‘errrrrrrm we have a Snow Ball. Do you?’

A Selwynite and a non-Selwynite get into a rather irrelevant and mildly embarrassing dialogue about ents on new columnist, Lexi Abram’s first piece.