The News From The Dark Blues

So, Fresher’s Week. Sex, drugs and rock n’ roll? Well as much as Oxford ever is. Never fear though: there’s a new game in town. We call it ‘Stalking Emma Watson’. Like any good game, it can be played in a number of ways.

Miss Granger-Watson begun her Oxford career in some style, hitting all the classiest clubbing establishments. She’s never short of people staring but, when I have spotted her, I’ve been surprised that people aren’t hassling her more. Suffice to say she gets the VIP treatment, and doesn’t have to worry about her ticket only allowing queue jump before 10.30pm. It remains to be seen whether she will dare frequent Fuzzy Ducks, the hallowed Oxford Brookes night voted “the easiest place to pull in the UK” by FHM.

Stalking Emma Watson can also be played via email. The University gave Watson a normal email address, meaning any optimist can email her merely by typing her name into the system and pressing ‘check names’. But I suspect she might have a PA to cull the riff-raff.

Katie Price has also been providing magic, although hers is of a rather different variety. That hallowed institution, the Oxford Union, has invited her to speak on her life this Wednesday. While the Union described Price as “a role model for single mothers from all walks of life,” not everyone was so impressed. One member of a feminist discussion group at Wadham told Cherwell: “Women who, pander to sexism to make their fortune are Vichy France with tits. Are you a 32GG, waxed to within an inch of your life and faking orgasms? Calling that a feminist icon is like giving an arms dealer the Nobel Peace Prize.”

I wonder what she would have made of the news from Corpus Christi? A computer in their JCR has had to have been removed after, to quote the college’s IT officer, being “used in an inappropriate manner regularly in the recent past (I think you all know what that means).”

Rather less glamorously, analysis by OxStu showed many scouts earn well under the Living Wage. Embarrassingly, the richest college, St John’s, pays scouts only £6.49 an hour despite having a cool £313 million endowment. One scout said: “I do overtime at weekends to have anything to spend.” Presumably on matters more important than clubbing with Watson.