Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Charity Ball

Saturday 15th October, £40

[rating:2/5]

Imagine a school disco, with less alcohol. We entered the Hawks’ and Ospreys’ Ball, held at the Cambridge Union, to be presented with beer tokens which smacked of childhood family monopoly games. Indeed, the whole evening had an adolescent vibe most clearly seen in the empty and awkward dancefloor.

It’s a shame the musical talent was wasted; the GrooveKnights, a favourite of the Cambridge music scene, opened the night with a well-rehearsed funk jazz set, unfortunately played out to a barren Debate Chamber. Chris Wilson followed up with his dance which seemed to get things going as more people turned up.

The Union proved a rather cumbersome venue to host what should have been a black-tie event, with too little space at the frustratingly under-staffed bar. The queues for drinks were up to half an hour.

The “comedy” room opened with a group of four improvisors who sent the crowd flooding out in their droves. Indeed the funniest part of the entire set was when their MD asked the audience to suggest emotions to work into the next scene. The fact that they came up with “angry, bored, lost and confused” was a piece of satire which seemed to escape the performers. Pierre Novellie fared slightly better, but his tactic of scorning sport and indeed sportsmen seemed at odds with the general purpose of the evening.

Photographs by Tamsin Lim

The rowdiness of some of the Hawks led to an unappetising scene at the charity auction. The cause itself was extremely laudable; Right to Play is a charity which helps children in war-torn areas to escape their surroundings through sport.

The auction itself was a great success; a meal for two and suite at the Varsity hotel went for £230 to Sally Mantell. Talking to The Tab, she confided that she would be surprising her boyfriend who’s studying at St Andrew’s University. She insisted, “When it’s for such a good cause, how could I turn down showing my boyfriend a good time,” and quickly added, “but you’re not allowed to refer to it as a charity shag!” If he can’t make it down she will be treating her best friend and fellow Blue, Tori Brown. Unfortunately The Tab was denied filming rights to their lacrosse team bonding. The auction was bizarrely punctuated by a girl flipping in front of the stage, presumably as some sort of advertisement for the Gymnastics Club.

The biggest bid of the night came from ex-head of the Hawks’ Club, Ian Ralby, who splashed a cool £510 on a signed Mark Cavendish jersey after heated bidding against Stephen Hawks, the owner of a cycle shop in Cambridge and supporter of the Hawks’ Club.

But perhaps we were in a difficult position as non-members of any University sports team. For those who are Hawks and Ospreys the evening was probably great fun with all of their team-mates. The night however never felt particularly coherent, with most people trailing away fairly early and fairly sober.